The 2025 Mess Gala — Part One!
The dandies finally had their day.
Hiii,
Welcome to the first installment of my in-depth coverage of the 2025 Met Gala!!! Today we will be taking a long, hard look at all of my most and least favorite dandified outfits of the night.
Thank you to everyone who tuned in on Substack and YouTube to chat with me for almost three hours straight. The replay is available now on both platforms if you want to stage your own viewing party. It was so much fun, I would definitely do it again. So if there’s any non-copyrighted fashion content you think it would be fun to watch together live and comment on, please drop me a line!
We’re going to do things a little different here this week. The amount of Met content I need to share with you all is so overwhelming I’ve decided to split it into two LONG emails. Each will have a little taste of my red carpet thoughts for everyone to enjoy and then a lot more of the same premium hot takes behind the paywall.
Thank you all again so much for being here. The livestream was a great reminder for me of what a cool, little community of people with great taste and open minds we’ve built here and I’m so honored to be a part of it. <3
Ok, now let the fugly and magnificent fashions commence.
Actually, before we get to the real clothes, let’s start with the computer generated ones because we, as a populace, have got to get it together. We can’t keep falling for every AI red carpet ensemble that pixelates before our eyes. Does everyone need to enroll in some sort of AI identification course? Because I’m concerned by our inability to identify this for what it is. When have you ever seen latex fabric that puddles up on the ground like this Alex Mack style…..we must use all of our critical thinking skills at max capacity here or we are not going to survive the next decade on the internet. The worst part is that if this AI gown were real it actually would’ve been the best, coolest outfit Katy Perry has worn in at least a decade. I feel serving in a dandified Maschinenmensch gown like this at the Met Gala would’ve done much to soften the public’s anger towards her space jaunt. Which is why I’m also now starting to suspect that Katy has been generating and proliferating these artificial images herself….
Last year around Oscars time, I wrote about this lady Jessica Paster, better known as @highheelprncess on Instagram, a woman whose online presence strikes fear into my heart. Given the way the celeb stylist regularly speaks to people in her comment section on social media, this headline came as no shock to me whatsoever. If she ever were to discover this email, I’m almost positive my prose would singlehandedly give her a rage aneurysm. I still find it incredible that Jessica gets into so many public spats with fans, and now with the NYPD, and yet none of her high-profile clients seem to have any problem with this behavior or her inability to bite her tongue in the face of the haters in the slightest. A good reminder to me that I should’ve already blocked her from every Mess account a long time ago.
Just as I’ve been requesting all awards show season, the ads are getting much more convoluted! And I both love and hate that for us. My favorite plug of the night was definitely this bizarre gambit by Panera on the left where they decided to get in the gala game by designing a croissant clutch for Ego Nwodim. And yes, that does appear to be a grilled chees she’s either removing from or concealing within said satchel. These fashion integrations still aren’t being executed quite at the absurd level of luxury I’d like them to be, but I do think we’re trending in the right direction here. Now, next time I need the clutch to also keep that sandwich hot like that basketball player’s weirdly elaborate Chipotle duffle the other week.
And Damson Idris almost had me fooled! I knew I should’ve trusted my spon con spidey senses when they were going of! As you can in the clip I shared on Instagram, from the moment this young man hopped out of a race car and set foot in his bedazzled helmet and jumpsuit upon this red carpet, I was suspicious that what I was seeing was promotional material for something as the amount of sneaky integrated marketing that had already been foisted upon me by that point in the evening was astronomical. And it turns out this is in fact spon sponning on a level I couldn’t possibly have foreseen. At the core of this evening is the fact that Louis Vuitton is the sponsor of F1 racing as well as this Met Gala, hence Lewis Hamilton’s involvement as co-chair. And now here we have Damson, the star of the new F1 movie, rolling up in an F1 car to an event sponsored by the sponsor of F1. Diabolical synergy at work there.
Now, most importantly, my favorite salmon heir WAS in attendance on the first Monday in May despite Vogue’s refusal to show him to me on the livestream. Norwegian billionaire Gustav Magnar Witzøe has quickly become my favorite gala guest as you all know how much I love a rich person who loves to spend their riches foolishly. This year’s couture wasn’t quite as good as last’s crystal-encrusted body stocking complete with trompe l’oeil abs, but then again how in the world do you follow up that masterpiece. While there’s nothing really wrong with this outfit, it’s just kind of forgettable. Even with the lucite briefcase full of rose petals, which I obviously love. If there’s one thing about Gustav, he stays ready to recreate an American Beauty moment on the fly. To his credit, this is also the fanciest tie knot I’ve ever seen tied in my life.
Overall though, I thought it was a pretty good showing this year fashion-wise, especially for the gentlemen. No one embarrassed themselves too badly, save for a couple of quiet luxury gals we’ll get to below.
Just as a reminder, the major defining criteria we’re looking for in our dandies is bespoke tailoring, bold color and pattern, accessories with utility and flare, and a fusion of historical and cultural influences. I was also, personally, looking for clear indicators of personality. Above are a few looks I felt stood slightly above the rest and perfectly embodied the spirit of the night.
Willy Chavarria nailed it, as we all knew he would, in this pink zoot suit accessorized with crosses, extra-long chains, and a fistful of roses exactly as I’ve been requesting.
Andrew Scott wore a Giuliva Heritage suit composed of precisely the type of unexpected, yet pitch perfect color combinations I expected to see a ton of that night and were nowhere to be found. The two-tone shoes and the boutonnière are also the perfect finishing touches.
Bad Bunny wore custom Prada and I feel he could’ve left the bejeweled gloves at home on this one, but I know the brand is pretty insistent on the incorporation of these mitts. Mostly, I enjoyed this outfit because 1. it reminded me of that period in the early aughts that Prada was making bowling bags and they were like the must-have luxury item. I’m ready for that revival to happen. And 2. I love that Benito wore an upgraded version of the straw pava he’s been wearing this whole album cycle. It’s that cultural influence and personal touch that we’re looking for in a true dandy.
And I love Law Roach in Burberry and this bad blonde wig so much because it’s so Fabio-core. Law belongs on the cover of a romance novel in this getup. He’s fop’d himself into Disney Prince Charming territory.
But while the above guys did good, these were my three runners-up for best dressed of the night. Fabulous. Absolutely divine.
Cole Escola wore the most perfect custom Christopher John Rogers silk zoot suit with a wide baby pink label and a psychedelic floral print, finished off with a black stiletto. I’ve been saying it for years now, but invite Cole to every red carpet you have. They also said “pissing” live on Vogue when asked how Mary Todd Lincoln would act if she were invited to that gala. Just when I thought I couldn’t love them any more.
Brian Tyree Henry attended in custom Orange Culture Nigeria that is so exquistely regal and luxurious. This is what Colman Domingo’s robe wishes it was (more on that below). I also love that he finished it off with a knee-high boot, underscoring the way this outfit seamlessly merges historical references with modern suiting.
And Jeremy O. Harris nailed it in custom Balmain. This is a true dandy, my friends!!!! Something I wrote down while listening to Monica L. Miller’s interview on the Dressed podcast is when asked what makes a dandy, she said it’s the fashion of course, but also a “deployment of gesture and wit.” And I thought all of Jeremy’s poses clearly demonstrated how deeply he understood that assignment. He also designed this incredible ring with jeweler Benjamin Hawkins for the evening, inspired by Fabergé eggs and caricatures of black dandies from the 19th century.
Beyond the paywall, find out who my best dressed of the night was, all my thoughts on the Kardashians’, Doechii’s, and Rihanna’s gowns, unlit cigarettes, and so much more!
Hope you’ll join us on this black tie bonanza, otherwise I’ll see you again on Friday for yet another taste of Fashion’s Biggest Night™!
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