Going brazzzzyy
In the words of Justin Bieber.
G’day, Messketeers!
Hope you’re enjoying a gorgeous spring day right now wherever you are. It’s been so nice out here in BK that I’ve picked up jogging again. I am very literally a fair weather runner. I exclusively want to move my body when it is exactly 60 degrees with a light breeze outside.
I bravely ventured to the Upper East Side this week to cosplay as a rich lady of leisure and attend the Manolo Blahnik press preview where I immediately encountered every famous fashion influencer I parasocially know. I saw some gorgeous footwear, but most importantly to me I saw some incredible Manolo Blahnik-branded snacks. I took home with me a mason jar full of green juice and a mason jar full of those Bonbon Swedish gummy candies (delicious), both stickered with Manolo’s grey box logo. I’m a sucker for a weirdly branded fashion object. I’m truly no better than those people who own a Chrome Hearts plunger.
I also love an appointment in the city for the opportunity it provides me to do a long, aimless walk about Manhattan. I ran some errands, talked on the phone with a friend, spotted a sports car wrapped like a box of Fruit Stripe gum, and made a pilgrimage to the now shuttered location of my all-time favorite dive bar, Billymark’s West. In mourning over the loss of this perfect venue, I then traipsed a few blocks down to Sullivan Street Bakery where I drowned by sorrows in a chocolate bombolini and I recommend you do the same stat.
I also went to the
Substack celebration at Paradise Lost yesterday which is a bar on 2 Ave. I did not previously know existed and was filled with a crowd that made me feel thoroughly my age. I did, however, enjoy seeing what the cool, hip youth are wearing these days and I do enjoy a bar environment that comes with a built in sense of danger. In this case because their were multiple cocktails on fire in a room filled with tiki straw about as wide and long as an Airstream trailer.The one other random thought I had this week that I wanted to share with you all is just: what is the big aversion to fashion being deep?? Seriously. After receiving yet another comment on a piece of my content that I’m wayyy overthinking all of this stuff it just struck me, and so what if I am? What is the harm in thinking deeply, seriously, and perhaps over-analytically about the celebrity media we consume every day and the output of an almost $2 trillion industry? I’m fascinated by this knee-jerk reaction to reduce fashion to frivolity and insist on its frothy nothingness no matter what evidence is presented to the contrary. Why are we so scared to open ourselves up to the possibility that it might actually be that deep and mean a whole lot more than we think? Perhaps we’re scared of what it might tell us about ourselves.
This week paid subs got a bonus episode of the podcast with special guest Josh Gondelman in which we discuss a culinary institution of my youth growing up in Portsmouth, NH, the platonic ideal of the male skincare regime, and why AI art sucks ass. Please check it out!
Okie dokie, artichokies.
Protect the Dolls
To begin with, media representation matters. And, personally, I have never felt more represented as a full-time hater than when I saw Pedro Pascal call JK Rowling a “heinous loser” this week. He took the words right out of my mouth! In fact, I am almost certain that I have applied that epithet verbatim to some cretin in this email in this past. I feel unbelievably seen. She is without question a heinous loser and he was so right to say so. This is exactly the billionaire TERF bullying I want to see in the world!
Not Now, Katy!
After last week’s ranting and raving, I just had to follow up on what’s happened to our foremost intergalactic girlboss since then. And I can’t help but feel like Katy Perry has a saboteur operating within her inner circle because why is her team doing this to her……Why right now! Did a $175 off-brand Barbie based on a Las Vegas residency from two years ago really need to be released at this exact moment in time?? And if you’re going to be so shameless post orbit, at the very least put the doll in an astronaut suit and really lean in.
Edible Arrangements
Since I’ve been talking so much shit lately about celebrity ads from American Eagle to Peroni, when I spotted Josh Hart’s Mike & Ike sponsored pre-game stroll this week I was feeling particularly generous of spirit and I was going to say good on the candy brand for securing this bizarre, yet effective Knicks player placement because I haven’t thought about a Mike & Ike since I was a child and now here I am thinking about them. But then I went over to this man’s Instagram account and realized that this wasn’t Mike or Ike’s promotional concept, but rather Josh’s as this seems to be his whole schtick outside of basketball. He just carries around different things brands give him for a check and for some reason that thing always happens to be a weird customized satchel? Like this silver Chipotle duffle is supposed to be a burrito bowl warming bag, which is something I only know because they made the basketball player post a full blueprint of the bag’s schematics in one of these slides. And I feel like it should be obvious that if you need to explain a sight gag to that degree, it’s already failed. These brands need to start thinking way outside the bag because they could be making this guy carry all sorts of wild stuff. Why not hand him a saxophone filled with queso or a blazer encrusted in those rock hard tubular jelly beans?!
Kardashian Easter #Ads
Now this spon con just cracks me up. Using your kid’s easter basket as a PR rollout opportunity for your new protein popcorn brand is so wild and so very Kardashian. Because of course this image got picked up by a bunch of outlets not for the Khloud of it all, (which happened to launch this week), but for the Louis Vuitton Murakami bags placed in every child’s basket. To which I say, enough with the mini LV handbags already!!! All of these kids have like five matching, limited edition purses at this point because their mothers keep doing this holiday gifting stunt over and over again. And, most egregious to me, they don’t even let the girls pick out their own purses!!
Coming Up Roses
On this month’s YouTube video, I expressed my profound appreciation for an outfit accessorized with a bouquet, and now here is Antonio Banderas proving my point precisely. Even though this is just a generic hotel sprig he swiped from one of the tables at this event on his way up there, the arrangement adds a certain romantic aura to the overall fit that can’t be dined. The inner Romeo emerges from the mist! I think it’s time to bring back the boutonnière, boys.
Strapped In
This week, while I was combing through Coachella images I discovered this micro trend from the festival that actually fuses together two looks we’ve talked about at length in these pages. It’s the stacked up belt-aggedon trend of 2023 combined with this spring’s big ol’ briefs situation. It was a concert full of bondage babies. While completely impractical for any real life activities, I do like the DIY punk effect of it, which I’m sure is also exactly what I said back when Julia Fox first started layering up her own waist cinchers and calling it an outfit. It feels like a Zana Bayne take on those skirts made out of neckties from my 90s arts and crafts youth.
Paging Rihanna
Now, I know what you’re thinking, but bear with me!!! Yes, this outfit WWE wrestler Nikki Bella is wearing (on the right) composed of Forever 21 sample rejects is absolutely abysmal. No, I am not saying that these vibrant red fishnet tights worn beneath acid wash jeans so frayed they’re predominately waistband look good. I’m just saying, there’s something to it. There’s something about this approach to layering and mismatched textures that really speaks to me and is ringing some vague Vetements bell in my brain. Nikki simply chose the wrong combination of items to execute this advanced styling maneuver. I look forward to seeing a celeb with more ingenious personal style like Rihanna put their own chic stamp on this melange.
Welcome to Waterworld
And finally, I’m going to leave you on yet another majorly upbeat note because I am officially obsessed with Irina Shayk’s water shoes. I think they look so cool and feel like just the right shoe for spring to summer dressing, especially when it involves clomping around these filthy city streets. There’s a sleek, pared down practicality to these sporty ballet flats that feels futuristic in a cool, non-Cybertruck kind of way which I think is exactly what fashion needs right now. These are the pair Irina’s wearing, they’re like $15 and there’s still a few available on ebay if you’re interested. But this has also opened my eyes to the wide world of very fun water shoes that exist out there. I think I’m going to have to take the plunge and purchase a pair myself! Please send me any favorite styles you stumble across if you decide to join me in this ruggedly damp summer trend.
Ok, that’s this week’s roundup of Mess. See you back here next week for the ramp up to Met Gala madness! Goodbye!!!!
The gist of it is:
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Now skedaddle, you hooligans!
Man, ripped jeans with fishnets underneath was my go-to in middle/high school lol, i feel soooooo vindicated you're right, the interplay of textures IS interesting! 🤪
in the category of small world coincidences, i had not heard of billymark’s west until earlier this week when i googled a hotel guest’s husband and found out that he is the one revitalizing this bar. what are the odds!!!