Mess Recommends: May 2025

I've got whozits and whatzits galore!

Hi, hello, sorry, yes, I know we just did this! But the Met Gala messed everything up so it’s time for another installment of Mess Recommends already!

The only thought I have to share with you before we begin here today in earnest is: Are eye boogies the last great beauty taboo? I feel like all of us would rather tell someone they have a bat in the cave a million times over before we mentioned a similar crusty-dusty lurking upon the tear duct. Am I the only adult who still faces this problem? Is this exclusively the domain of toddlers? Because I am embarrassed to admit how frequently I am merrily going about my day only to discover one such eye boog after I’ve already interacted with an inappropriate amount of people face to face. You would think this would teach me to check before I leave the home, and yet!!

At the very least, I guess I’m wondering why the beauty industry hasn’t thought to make us insecure about this natural bodily excretion yet and offer some artifice of a solution like stickers you put over the inner corners of your eyes while you sleep so nothing can gather there. Did I just come up with a multi-million dollar business idea that will give a whole new generation a serious complex? Probably. Starface, please cut me a check.

And I will remind you all of this again on Friday, but I had so much fun covering the Met Gala I’ve decided that I’m going to livestream the Tony Awards red carpet on Substack and YouTube this Sunday night at 5:30 pm EST! Both of those livestreams are scheduled on their various platforms so feel free to pop those open in a tab or bookmark them for later and we can all get to yapping about the best fashions Broadway has to offer. Mostly, I will be there for Mess royalty and 5-time Tony-nominee Cole Escola, but I am looking forward to encountering some new burgeoning muses as well.

Oh! And in regards to that Lisa Says Gah dress I promised I would circle back to you on once I received my pre-order. The time has come. It has arrived and I shockingly do not hate it! I actually look very cute and like the summery twee French girl of my dreams. My only note is that I am 6’2” and this dress was not designed with my elongated physique in mind, so I do find it to be a TOUCH too short. I am considering adding a little panel to the bottom hem, but until then I am perfectly content to wear it like a casual pregnancy tunic thrown atop my jorts and biker spandex, and I recommend you do the same.

Ok, and now a close look at everything I bought, read, listened to, and watched last month.

Stuff:

Fresh Sugar Treat Lip Oil in Rosé

I have been waiting MONTHS to tell you all about this lip gloss. A new Holy Grail product has entered my life and it’s called Fresh Sugar Treat Lip Oil, specifically in the shade Rosé. It finally officially launched to the public on June 1, and thank god it did because I need to stock up, that is how heavily I am using this stuff. I’ve written to you in the past about my serious nostalgia for the lemon scrubbies of the classic brown tube Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment, and this has those same anti-chap properties with the shine of a Juicy Tube minus the stick, and a flush of color that makes my face look alive again. The picture of the before and after on the website is completely accurate to my personal mouth experience, which is also why I’m now wondering if I need to pick up the Honey shade as well…

Mario Badescu Coconut Body Oil

An oldie, but a goodie in my body care repertoire that I forget about every year until the weather starts to get warm again. This body oil smells like a little tropical vacation in a bottle and I love a spray for oil, it feels like a much more effective distribution system somehow. It also soaks in fast and leaves you looking hydrated with a little bit of sheen. I’ve been a Mario Badescu stan for a minute because I feel you can’t ask for a better price on some seriously effective products (also their European facials at the NYC spa are well-priced and can’t be beat, just don’t let them upsell you to oblivion!).

Which reminds me, if you like Peter Thomas Roth’s Water Drench moisturizer, you gotta get into Mario Badescu’s Hyaluronic Dew Cream immediately. They are completely indistinguishable products, you will save so much money, and this moisturizer is one of the rare products I used up until the very last drop.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Freeze Gel

For months now I’ve strayed from Anastasia Beverly Hills’ light and for some reason was trying to find a solid brow gel elsewhere, believing perhaps that the grass is always greener. But I’ve quickly discovered that nothing is as green as Anastasia’s grass and have since returned to the fold with the purchase of this Brow Freeze Gel. This is the level of hold I need to lock my unruly eyebrow hairs in place. It can get a little crunchy, but honestly I don’t care if it means every follicle is held just so for the entirety of my very sweaty day.

I’ve also been using this to tame my frizzy, little baby hairs and it’s been working beautifully. This is what I wanted that Dae Taming Wand to be. Don’t get me wrong, that wand is still great to tame flyaways, especially on the go. But I have to admit, for mass slickage and hold I’ve recently circled all the way back to this Tancho pomade stick I’ve had for years now, and while it is heavy duty and doesn’t necessarily leave your hair feeling not coated in a layer of pomade, it really does the job even in full-on humidity. I’ve also gotten multiple compliments recently on my slicked-back ‘dos. So make of that what you will!

YSL L’Homme Cologne

Well, I did it. I repurchased my tried and true collegiate scent, YSL L’Homme, just as I previously threatened I would. It’s exactly as I remember it, spicy and amber-y yet subtle and light. Is it my new (old) signature summer scent? Unfortunately, I think not. But it’s a good place holder in the meantime as my search for the perfect warm-weather stench continues.

Coconut Water

I’ve recommended this before in this email and I’m back recommending it again because every summer it feels as though I am discovering this beverage’s rehydration properties anew. I have no brand loyalties when it comes to my coconut water du jour, all I am ever looking for is 100% juice with no sugar added and the most premium price per ounce the bodega will allow.

Beyond the paywall I deliver a serious scrunchie endorsement, the protein bar of my dreams, a very strange Swedish film about a mythological creature, and two books I highly recommend. If that sounds up your alley, I would love for you to join us! Otherwise, I’ll see you back here on Friday because we have to talk about JoChris’s latest post-coital selfie!!!¹