The Dolly Parton of Blogging
Did everyone see those incredible staged pap pics of Sydney Sweeney and Scooter Braun smooching on a rock in Central Park??
Greetings, besties!
Hope you’re currently thriving against all odds. As I’ve already informed paid subscribers, I’ve been in a real YouTube and Reddit wormhole of productivity slop content. I don’t know what’s going on with me right now, but I’m just desperate to get my shit together and locked all the way in and have a delusion that the right organizational system will cure me. I want every waking moment mapped out and color-coded on my G-Cal from dawn until dusk. The problem with that is if anything is actually going to change it also requires me to follow through with holding myself to that tightly regimented schedule and that’s where it loses me every single time. And so instead, I waste all my time consuming content on this subject and contemplating new notebooks I could buy and bullet journal systems that would cure my bone-deep love of procrastination. But seriously, if you know of any…….
Over the weekend, my sister came to visit and brought me a thousand new plants. A lovely gift and also a new psychic burden placed upon me as I am sure only 30% will survive my celadon thumb. Only time and the vicissitudes of the amount of sunlight my apartment gets will tell. But we spent a gorgeous New York City day together with the weather swinging back up into the 60s, two massages booked at my premiere Chinatown establishment, capped off with a delicious Indian dinner in the theater district because we went to see this fantastic play, Prince F*gg*t. This is the type of endorsement I’d usually save for an installment of Mess Recs, but it’s genuinely so good and moving that I need to recommend it to absolutely everyone who will listen. Plus, it only has performances for another month! The premise of the play is essentially what would happen if it turns out Prince George, the future King of England, is gay. But it also grapples with soo much more about what it means to be gay, trans, privileged, and non-white, and who is living the “authentic” queer experience. Go see it if you can!!!
In substantially less profound news, but profound to me personally, I found a great new hot pilates place in my neighborhood I’m now obsessed with and will be incorporating into my workout routine henceforth. It certainly didn’t hurt that as I was leaving a fellow workout-mate confessed to me that she’s a big fan of my content. Treat me like a micro-niche-celebrity and I’ll come running back for more every time! There’s also a great Chinese lunch counter right around the corner, which is proving to be an even more powerful incentive in getting me to get my ass in that studio. I’m all about balance.
My last note from the week I must share with you is a literal note that my friend Lindy wrote making a joke about how amidst all the quiet and the loud, why don’t we try out some medium luxury? And something about that really struck a chord in me. Mezzo luxury, folks!!!!! What a concept. Just normal-ass, middle-of-the-road luxury, neither garishly logomania’d nor so shushed I might mistake your The Row maxi dress for Zara. Let’s get mezzo with it!
In further thrilling Substack-related revelations, the folks at corporate convinced me to do this video for them espousing the appeal of the tightly-curated list of newsletters I actually pay for. Mostly, this is a very exciting piece of content because it is the grand reveal of my suede Prada jacket on the big screen that I know many of you have been waiting to see for MONTHS now. So please, visually feast upon this sumptuous garment to your heart’s content (and make sure to like the video on Substack’s Instagram as I am gunning to become the most popular person to ever grace their feed).
And in further audiovisual updates, I also have a brand new video up on YouTube for y’all documenting a few of my very exclusive and very random thoughts on all the celebrity Halloween costumes I saw this year:
The rest of today’s email is for paid subs only who are about to be regaled with my latest Kardashian Konspiracy Theory and my infinite thoughts on Cate Blanchett’s sentient evening gown, Chappell Roan’s DIY pannier skirt, and the return of the dreaded bustle! Let’s go, girls!
For starters, I wanted to share this image of Janelle Monáe — a classic Mess setter of trends — at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in their Thom Browne suit featuring A HUNDRED ARMS AND LEGS! Hello, body-on-body trend!!! Yet another look that is the early aughts extreme body mod twins hoax realized via couture. I look forward to the continued sartorial replication of our limited human form. I’ve actually been seriously thinking about writing an essay on the hyperreal body soon…..
The Kangaroo Pouch Is In
While promoting her new movie Die My Love, Jennifer Lawrence wore a Lii Spring 2026 look and wow, what an incredible and punishing silhouette…