The 2026 Pornhub Awards!!!
The children thirst for George Lucas.
Hello, Messketeers!
It’s been one hell of a week. Much to do and think about! But while things have been hectic, there have also been plenty of silver linings. Like I once again got my hair cut to look like a young Ozzy Osbourne, and I think this might be my look for life. I feel at home. With my blunt, face-framing tendrils, I finally know peace.
I also went and got coffee with a new internet friend and, as always, asked myself why I do not do stuff like that more often. Over the years, Messketeers have always proven themselves to be nothing but cool and interesting folks who I have a hell of a lot in common with (duh). Also, always a great excuse to untether myself from my laptop for an hour or two and go outside.
I went to the Prada Mode after party at Katz’s where the bougiest thing that has ever happened to me in my life transpired. When I arrived, I got in line to check in only to be promptly pulled out of line by someone working the party and escorted inside. I’m sorry, what?! VIP behavior! And at Prada no less!!! As always, I credit what many on YouTube have dubbed my ugly, old man glasses for making me immediately, unmistakably recognizable as me.
The party was cute, I won some sort of strange Prada-branded inflatable out of a vending machine, and it felt pleasantly illicit to be in such a New York institution after hours. But I have to say, I saw all of Dara’s photos from the event afterwards and realized I was NOT provided with the opportunity to scarf down some brisket. I saw nary a mustard squeeze bottle while I was in attendance and I’m furious to have missed out on such premium snacking which is obviously what lured me out of bed post 10pm to begin with!
The next day I met up with my best friend Cass at the Prada Mode activation at The Chelsea Hotel where I waltzed right in without even scanning my QR code, clearly still high off the celeb treatment I received the night before. And it seems I was not the only one to do so as it was jam-packed in there and I spent most of my time deeply concerned one of the giant, glowing TV sets was going to topple over onto someone. We also apparently arrived at the exact moment they stopped serving food meaning I was once again cruelly denied sustenance by the brand. I will forgive, but I will not forget, Prada. But also no worries because that just meant we decided to hop on over to 7th Street Burgers for some cheeseburgers which were crazy good. I’d never been there before and I def recommend.
But I think by far the best thing that happened this week is Interview moved into our new office space and it has instantly improved staff moral tenfold. I credit the sheer volume of vitamin D we’re all suddenly getting from the sunlight streaming in through all our enormous windows. It’s also just so gorgeous and spacious and new, and makes it feel like we’re running a real, serious business which we are!!
Ok let’s see what we’ve got going on here!
I have to say a couple of things to the general public before we pop behind the paywall to discuss the 2026 Pornhub Awards. The first being that I feel like we are all falling for Tree Paine’s tomfoolery and I do not understand why. You’re telling me these two goobers are getting married on July 3 at Madison Square Garden in front of all their fans……….ok. Come on.
Now, I do believe these two might sell tickets to such an event as a sort of Americana semiquincentennial spectacular and stage a pretend wedding there for their fans to the tune of billions, but that is an entirely different conversation. It’s my personal belief based on absolutely nothing that this ceremony has already happened and we missed it, and if anything we’ll find that out at whatever this parasocial cash cow ends up being.
And it’s that time of year again! That’s right, it’s the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit runway show. One of the many banes of my existence. And clearly, no one took my one CRUCIAL piece of feedback from last year’s catwalk as if they had you would not be seeing either of the above images of Tunde Oyeneyin and Emma Slater. This leg pop pose remains one of the most criminally insane acts of modeling I’ve seen since ANTM was still on the air. I must know who is directing them to toss a gam akimbo in such a manner, and why they hate these women so much. Don’t even get me started on the pirate spyglass. Although, to Tunde’s credit, she’s giving that prop everything she’s got. I also have traditionally always thought of the modeling as the worst thing happening at this show, but this year I realized it might actually be the spray tan that’s about ten shades darker than it has any right to be. This is body building orange, and meanwhile the neck and face are left completely untouched…….Everything about this event is so wild, long may it reign.
Ok, alas, the Pornhub Awards are for paid subs only. Hope you’ll join us there, otherwise I’ll see you next Friday with your usual dose of Mess! <3