The 2025 Pornhub Awards!

The most magical night of the year.

All photos from PornCrush.com

Hello, my beautiful and bodacious readers!

I’ve got a pep in my step today because it’s once again that time of year where we reflect upon the great bounty of intriguing fashion compositions brought to us by the Pornhub Awards red carpet. There were some fresh takes on maximum flesh exposure, sure, but most importantly there was ample personality and a palpable joie de vivre on display that far too many major Hollywood events are missing these days. The night was Wild West themed and chaps, bedazzled cowboy hats, and hobby horses abounded. Next year, I might have to fly myself out to this thing to do some first hand reportage because I have so many questions about these guests and their outfits that the current fashion media landscape refuses to help me answer.

I’m positively chomping at the bit to chat about everything I saw transpire in the one-horse town that is Saddle Ranch, so let’s get straight to it!

We’ll begin with easily my favorite trend of the night — the codpiece. And I think this red carpet perfectly demonstrated how versatile one of these modesty panels can actually be. This is also an elegant solution to the Bianca Censori problem as it allows the wearer to show off as much of their physique as possible while still keeping their labia technically covered. The leather fig leaf on the right is like a Nudie suit take on lingerie mixed with a touch of Xena: Warrior Princess.

While I enjoy the play in contrasts between the mesh catsuit and this hard front pubis protector (center), I think it needed to be more heavily bedazzled so that it really pops on camera.

And, finally, this look on the left has got to be one of my picks for best dressed of the night. Expertly done. I love the way the western buckle that composes the codpiece matches the sheriff star pasties and the element affixing these horns to her micro crop top. This look would already be enough all on its own, but the lavender fur lined in faux dollar bills really perfectly ties it up in a bow.

Something else I really enjoyed was that not one, but two gentlemen heard about this ceremony’s western theme and decided to use it as their chance to live out all of their rodeo clown fantasies. I applaud both on their commitment to their craft, they look incredible. And much like when I spotted ICP at the VMAs in those gorgeous bespoke suits, it got me thinking again that men need to start dipping into the face paint more. We must foster a culture of clown drag. I’m not saying it has to be all-out like these two jesters above, but maybe just a star eye here, a circle nose there. Something to think about. Women have been doing the facial peacocking for far too long, it’s time for the dudes to take it out for a spin. Plus, I feel like there’s an alpha bro manosphere route into all of this makeup. After all, what’s more virile and testosterone pumping than KISS singing “Rock and Roll All Nite”?