RFK Jr.’s Lust Demons
Plus, a massive Oscars red carpet roundup.
My dearest Messketeers!
Welcome back. The inanity continues, both within and without this newsletter. Would love to hear what my fellow Americans are doing to distract themselves from the seventh circle of hell we all currently call home.
I write this to you a little bleary-eyed from my friend’s couch in Western Massachusetts where I am staying for the weekend sans Fran, tragically, but her cat Sheryl Crow is keeping me company in her stead. In our typical fashion, we spent our first night reunited staying up way too late gabbing, drinking wine, watching a YouTube livestream of an eagle’s nest and screaming every time the bird did a little stomp wiggle as it repositioned itself atop its down-laden eaglets. So I come to you today without my sharpest wits about me, but spiritually restored.
This small respite from the big city feels well deserved as I’ve spent the entirety of this week toiling away in the content mines. To begin with, I was a panelist at a live Oscars watch party at Littlefield on Sunday night where I mostly just shouted out dress credits nobody cared about as various celebrities appeared on screen. I also spent four straight hours in an inflatable chair at that event which I’m sure has done untold damage to my lower back, but also required me to engage my core in a way it’s never been forced to engage before. Jess and I just recorded a special, vaguely Oscars-related edition of the pod with a VERY special guest,
, that will be out for paid readers sometime next week.And then, my every other waking moment was spent writing, filming, and editing my latest YouTube magnum opus on the worst dressed individuals at the Academy Awards so that I could get this thing out in a timely fashion. That just went up today, voila, please clap:
This took me a solid 12 hours to cut together 17 minutes of ranting and raving and, as you can see, I’m not even doing anything particularly complicated or impressive with the editing. As a true novice to the medium, I do not understand how my fellow YouTubers are churning this stuff out in a single day. Besides, do you not need to peruse? To ruminate upon the Hollywood images we are consuming before having concrete and interesting thoughts about them? Like, when I see a Mess-worthy outfit, I know it instinctually, but I still need a gestation period to have anything worth saying about it.
Anyway, because I’m trying to squeeze in every possibly moment of quality buddy time, today’s issue is half free, half paywalled. Everything Oscars will be after the jump, so if my thoughts on that red carpet are something that interest you, skip your Friday latte and invest in these literary arts instead.
Oh, and today’s title comes straight from the brilliant headline wordsmiths at the Daily Mail. Sure, that tabloid is truly evil incarnate, but they also know their way around a bon mot in a manner that simply cannot be replicated.
Ok then!!!!!!
Lady Godiva Does the Oscars
Julia, Julia, Julia. Where is my check! When will my psychic contributions to this woman’s wardrobe be recognized monetarily. Our favorite anti-WFH gal attended the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty in full Lady Godiva drag, wearing a totaly sheer Dilara Findikoglu gown that was not not identical to that highly controversial Yeezy couture mini from last month, except this one kept the culture wars at bay with strategically placed hair extensions that guaranteed Juila’s labia wasn’t left twisting in the wind. Not a bad attempt at outrage bait, but I would’ve loved if all this faux hair also rested atop the garment instead of just sandwich between these two layers of mesh to provide more of a lush fullness, as well as movement to the garment.
She then changed into a second ensemble for Elton John’s party also by Dilara. But instead of going full nudist this time, she channeled windswept corp-core Dorothy Gale, doing white collar cosplay caught in a tornado. There’s something going on out there in celebrity fashion right now with wired, freeze frame fashion that I find very fascinating. Aside from the climate apocalypse we’re all currently living through, I don’t know what to make of the emergence of this natural disaster magical realism trend, but I’m all for it.
The XMA Awards’ Influence
As I spoke about in today’s YouTube video, one of my great passion projects is discerning where we as a society have drawn the line in the sand on a daily basis when it comes to decorum in fashion. What do we deem trashy versus fabulous and how does that shift depending on the wearer and context? In the case of the Oscars, this thought was obviously triggered by Julia Fox above, but also Olivia Wilde who wore a completely sheer Chloé dressing gown and brief. A very naked ensemble that caused absolutely zero societal shockwaves. And likewise here with Charli XCX at the Brit Awards, I was struck by how this look was immediately labeled fresh and high fashion when, much like Juila’s look above, only this very slim, lowrise G-string saves it from being Bianca 2.0. That said, I agree. I absolutely love it. There’s something a little conventual to this hood and high neckline combo that belies the vast expanse of exposed flesh beneath. Easily my favorite Dilara Findikoglu look to date.
Brit Awards Best-Dressed
The Brit Awards red carpet also introduced me to bbyclose and Sasha Keable, pictured above, for which I am eternally grateful. I love bbyclose’s gorp meets coquette core Simone Rocha windbreaker dress, which also made me realize that no one is utilizing the Olsen incognito combo of a hood and blackout shades nearly enough on the red carpet. She also incorporated one of my favorite red carpet micro trends of carrying a bouquet of flowers on the step-and-repeat, something I think instantly adds intrigue and plot to any outfit. Plus, this one comes with it’s own very luxe carrying case.
And from the moment I laid eyes on Sasha’s braces and drop top tabi socks I was positively smitten. Then I realized she’s also executing my flasher fashion directive to perfection down to the popped leg.
Flatlands Fashion
Another day, another giant fashion cone for your consideration. First Lisa, then Janelle, now Doechii. I’m still processing my feelings on this particular Valentino couture garment and why it makes me feel like a Madame Alexander doll come to life. As paid subs and I have been talking about recently, there’s also something going on out there with hoop skirts that feels a little Gone With the Wind (derogatory) and I think these all-over chunky rhinestones also really rob this silhouette of any inherent opulent glamour it may have. Especially as I actually love the texture of this fabric, which you can see if you zoom all the way in. It’s very Shar-Pei that just got a finger wave or a Persian lamb fur coat.
On another positive note, I did just say in my YouTube video that the new Valentino under the creative direction of Alessandro Michele was feeling extremely one-note to me, and that note is Gucci. So, at the very least, this feels like a radical departure from that. Also, Doechii has been absolutely killing it at fashion week this season, radically transforming herself for every single show into the epitome of that brand’s woman. Her Tom Ford look alone — absolutely to die for.
Bitchy, Little Umbrellas
And this is just to say, thank you to Millie Bobby Brown for reminding me that I love a bitchy, little parasol and we are not deploying these things nearly enough to punctuate an outfit. Overall, I am bothered by these mixed leopard prints that are clashing in a discordant rather than a powerful way, and I feel this is a poor imitation of a classic Fran Fine ensemble. However, the addition of this delicate, ineffectual umbrella feels perfectly hammy. Besides, for how obsessed famous people are with aging and preventing it by any means necessary, you’d think everyone would be gung ho to incorporate these chic sun-blockers into their attire.
Girls Gone Wild
This was Katy Perry’s performance look for a Mardi Gras show and I wanted to include it, first of all, just because I think it’s one of the most successful outfits I’ve seen on her to date, but also because of how nicely I think this ties into the foam/temporal fashion trend I’ve been promoting in these pages and elsewhere. This is exactly what I mean by a wardrobe malfunction being built in to the garment. There is an inherent tension that all could be revealed at any moment which is only amplified by the use of Mardi Gras beads as the material itself, something often given in exchanged for flashing the public. That said, I do wish these beads were way less structured and more free-flowing and pliable to really take that effect to the next level, but all in all, not bad!
Ok, that’s it for the free content for today. The rest of this email chock full of my Oscars musings is behind the paywall. I’ll be discussing a number of my premium opinions that didn’t make the cut of the YouTube video, like my thoughts on Chanel’s latest red carpet offerings, all of the very wrinkly gowns on that award ceremony, and Kim and Kylie’s latest fashion fails. So, if you want the full download on what went down that night, take the plunge and become a subscriber today. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed this amuse bouche of bad fashion and I’ll see you back here next Friday with a full serving of highbrow musings on lowbrow couture.
Bye-bye, beloveds!
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