Hello! Happy October!
Hope you’ve treated yourself to something pumpkin spice-flavored recently. Personally, I’m plotting on cooking up something autumnal and decadent this weekend, like some sort of apple galette situation or a batch of pumpkin cinnamon rolls.
Speaking of, I went to that TikTok-viral restaurant Sunday Morning this week to see if it was worth the hype and as a little treat to get me through this deeply unremarkable week. I got the classic with cream cheese frosting, and it more than delivered. I definitely endorse this roll, although prepare for it to become your new obsession. Hence my own foray into sugary breakfast pastries.
Last we spoke, my pals were here visiting, and we had a hell of a busy, touristy weekend We went to an improv show at UCB and proceeded to have an incredibly early-20-something evening in the East Village — bar-hopping, snacking on pierogis, admiring the array of identical black going-out tops, and ending the night with some rousing renditions of millennial pop classics at karaoke. And then we got up the next day and did it all over again, hitting up a Yankees game, grabbing the best Ethiopian food, and generally walking 50,000 steps. When my friends left, I’m pretty sure I laid down for 24 hours straight.
This weekend I have another pal visiting and, as my dad recently pointed out, I’ve had a real buddy-forward year. Lots of little trips, catch-ups, and chinwags — and now that he’s mentioned it, I absolutely concur and couldn’t recommend it more highly. What’s the point of being freelance and making my own schedule if not to accommodate spending as much time as possible with all the people I love?
For some reason, this week, I succumbed to my intrusive thoughts and got long fake nails again. The love/hate relationship is real. I find the amount of time you have to sit there in order to get them absolutely unbearable — and I’m not even doing anything complicated — and I will never cease to be shocked at the many ways they make everyday activities needlessly more difficult. A million tiny indignities. But they do look fabulous, and they make me like 80% more interested in my hands. I have yet to actually leave the nail salon with the nails I wanted upon entering, but all in due time. As someone who did not grow up doing this and who possesses none of the requisite vocabulary to discuss this beauty medium, I find each and every manicure to be an unbelievably steep learning curve. But slowly, surely, and expensively, I am learning the ropes. For starters, I have learned that my eyes are bigger than my dexterity. I need to get a medium nail length, no matter how glam and budget-optimal a large nail might seem to me in the moment.
Last week, we had the first meeting of the
and it was so much fun. It was great to meet and hear from so many of you, and I loved the discussions that zoom call sparked. I think this month’s reading — Masscult & Midcult by Dwight Macdonald — will provoke even more heated conversation, and I can’t wait! If you want to join that debate, make sure to sign up for a paid sub before the end of the month.I also accidentally ended up doing a shitload of livestreams last week, including one about the mythology of Taylor Swift with
. There was some demand for it afterwards, so I made that hour-long conversation available to paid subscribers and given how many of you signed up to listen, I have a feeling we’ll be doing a lot more of those special one-off pop culture chats in the future. Stay tuned!As I mentioned on notes this morning but failed to mention during that livestream, my number one gripe with this album’s whole rollout plan is that Taylor has not once done a shot-for-shot recreation of a scene from Showgirls (one of the most perfect/idiotic films ever made). What is the point!!! A billionaire twice over, for what! Just think, the Gaylors could’ve been dining out for YEARS over the doggy chow scene. Perhaps with Charli in the role of Gina Gershon?!?!?!?
Ok, whatever!
Well, well, well. It seems everything is coming up Mess over there in gay, old Paree, and yet I’ve been relegated to consuming a season tailor-made to my sensibilities through my computer screen. Quelle horreur.
I cannot tell you how many times I was sent and tagged in clips from these two shows in particular. And my deepest apologies that my cursed fashion prophecies have infected the runway zeitgeist. Because, as always, in classic Mess fashion, I have received exactly what I hath foretold and obviously I do not like it one bit.
To me, the armless Alaïa romper is just classic, silly, high-fashion bait — all for spectacle, not for production. Because, like, who is the customer for this multi-thousand-dollar jersey chrysalis? For what occasion? But also, do I want to see it red carpet styled on a celeb? Duh, obviously. I’m also fascinated by Pieter Mulier’s choice to go with a jodhpur silhouette on the leg here, along with all the other aesthetic punishments this garment is already inflicting.
As for the Duran Lantink takeover of the Jean Paul Gaultier runway — l o l. Well. It is my bodies-on-bodies trend come to life in the most literal of ways at least! I feel like I need to read up more on Lantink and his design philosophy, but I had the same issues with this collection as I did with the one he did with those prosthetic chest pieces. It just doesn’t seem like there’s any larger message or concept behind the sex-swapped nudity. It feels like any of the other stunt fashion on this runway — great for virality, but lacking in actual substance. His designs have also once again succeeded in making me feel like a prude — and I hate feeling like a prude — as I can’t help but think that using faux gender-nonconforming bodies as a punch line like this is playing a dangerous game at an already dangerous time for non-cis people. And to what end?
Seeing Red
On a much lighter note, I just wanted to express that in a season of big-name debuts at storied French fashion houses, nothing but respect for the installation of MY creative director, nepo baby supreme, Jaden Smith, who is clearly delving into his role at the helm of Christian Louboutin headfirst. As always, Jaden is communicating far too loudly and transparently that he needs our attention, and thus, he must be denied satisfaction at every turn.
But I am curious how he managed to keep his cap so perfectly balanced so high atop his head the whole evening. And you can’t see his belt here, unfortunately, but the buckle fully spells out “Christian Louboutin” in large serif font and there’s something so funny about that to me. While we are living in a post-logomania era, I do think Jaden is onto something there. That said, the arm warmers are a confusing and unnecessary addition, and I have the same advice for him re: the red face paint that I had for Lexi Love at the Emmys the other week which is — commit to the bit. I need fewer half-assed swipes of color, way more intentional tonal artistry.
Renn Fayre Fall Redux
I touched down on perennial fave Chappell Roan this week and was delighted to see that the pop star is singlehandedly keeping the tradition of 2024’s Renn Fayre Fall trend alive in the form of these stunning and sumptuous princess, pirate, and court jester costumes. Finally! This is the appropriate level of investment in raiment I demand to see from the rich and famous.
The Gourd Agenda
I wanted to share with you this staged paparazzi image of former Real Housewife Countess Luann toting a pumpkin casually upon her hip through the streets of Manhattan because — well, first of all, it’s a gorgeous and perfect image — but also because it made me ask myself: where are all the D-list celebs’ staged pumpkin patch photoshoots?? I’ve seen nary a one this season, and frankly, I’m concerned. Recession indicator, etc., etc. Likewise, that Universal Studios-sponsored Halloween thing famous people go to to be photographed at hasn’t been churning out the celeb content at its usual rate…..have all the influencers gotten real jobs and thus no longer have the time to pose carefreely with squash? I’ll be keeping a close eye on this situation as it develops over the next twenty days.
The Cold Shoulder
On a positive seasonal note, something very fun is going on with shoulders out there this fall. They’ve been coming down the red carpet this week in all shapes and sizes —bumpy, sloped, triangular, and full-on batwing. I do miss the true crone shoulders of yore, but these are some interesting alternatives. I’m especially taken with Cynthia’s pumped-up traps that have rendered her neckless. And anything that makes the body take up double the space it should, like Sophie’s voluminous Louis Vuitton wingspan on the right, is A-OK in my book. An avian riff on the Stretch Armstrong fits we’ve been seeing the last couple of months.
Trapped in the Closet
You know, I’ve been extra mean to Kim lately, so I thought I would share some exceedingly rare fashion praise I have for precisely three outfits she shared on Instagram this week that she never actually wore out of the house, I believe much to her detriment because this is quite possibly the best she’s looked in years.
The rubberized gown is pretty standard Balenciaga fare, but I wanted to highlight it first for the padded-out shoulders, and second because I think it wonderfully demonstrates a point I’ve highlighted in this email in the past which is that super uptight couture like this always looks radically cooler when paired with bare faces and messy hair. I pointed this out most recently when Blake Lively wore a baseball cap with that Versace Lady Deadpool catsuit. There’s something about the extreme undone-ness paired with the extreme done-up-ness of the clothing that makes it all feel very modern and relevant again. As always, if Kim could just embrace a little more sloppiness, a little more ugly, I think we could really get something cooking.
The center outfit and the one on the right are fantastic and exactly what she should be wearing outside the confines of her closet. I think these two looks speak to the greatness of what Jahleel Weaver could be achieving with Kim if she would just let him off the short leash. Kim is obsessed with a leg-foreshortening jumbo short, and with these culottes she finally found a way to wear them that doesn’t make her petite frame look wildly disproportionate. I think something about the flesh tone of this turtleneck doesn’t quite work — it either needs to be more realistic or a much deeper hue — but either way, the silhouette is exactly right. And again, the way her hair is haphazardly tucked into the neckline, the dark circles under her eyes — that’s what makes it chic! And finally we get the brilliance of the all-over zebra fit, which is made exceptional by the fact that we cannot see her face at all. This is a theme I’ve been patiently waiting for Kim to revisit ever since her short-lived bondage mask era. There’s something so compelling to me about insisting upon one’s own fame by stepping out in something that should render you unrecognizable, and yet only makes your identity all the more obvious.
Butts On Butts
With those backhanded compliments now out of the way, here’s an outfit I liked a whole lot less that Kim wore to the Maison Margiela runway show. The choice of lucite footwear alone is obviously greatly displeasing to me, but I had to show you all this ensemble because of the butt-on-butt action transpiring here! I think Kim is a particularly interesting and universally recognizable body to mess around with for this bodies-on-bodies trend and I hope she’ll keep pursuing this line of styling thought. As I mentioned above, I think she is often at her best when playing around with the concept of her own iconography, like with the Balenciaga blackout curtain she wore to the Met Gala that I will never stop referencing.
America’s Next Top Model
And since we’re chatting fashion and that family, I just have to throw in Kylie Jenner’s new campaign for Valentino, which featured some absolutely phenomenal modeling. These two shots in particular really cracked me up. Did we learn nothing from the Miu Miu campaign?! I can’t decide if I desperately want the brands that hire Kylie to make sure there is a movement director on set at all times to avoid situations like this moving forward or if I want them to never hire one again so I can see even more incredible self-directed movements such as these.
Day-one Messketeers might recall that I’ve long felt Kylie is the sister with the true gift for modeling ever since I noticed that her go-to pose is an impromptu boob honk. And now it seems she’s innovated on her signature move with a stance I’m calling the manual butt jiggle (left)! But while that’s some rock-solid posing, I’m partial to the body language happening in the photo on the right. It feels like a cross between trying to nonchalantly pop a squat between cars in the city and realizing the chair you’re about to sit down in is actually much lower than you originally thought. A very alluring combo!!!
Life of a Showgirl
And has anyone else noticed that since Life of a Showgirl came out, every celebrity who isn’t Taylor has suddenly started wearing their best showgirl fashions and putting her thematic attire to shame? This isn’t even meant as a diss to Taylor as I actually think her promotional outfits lately have been MUCH better than usual. But like, how in the world is she not getting first dibs on fringy metallic numbers like these?? I mean, Kylie’s custom Schiaparelli is one thing, but Addison Rae wore this dress that once belonged to iconic irl showgirl Gypsy Lee Rose on The Tonight Show the very same night the album came out….how! As with the failure to replicate Showgirls frame by frame, why have money, power, and connections if not to use them to achieve perfect fashion moments like these?!
A Star Is Born
And I’ll leave you today with this final vague musing and the most important outfit I’ve seen all week. Justin Bieber shared the above image of his son Jack Blues in a low-key combo that I can only describe as exactly how I’ve wanted to dress my whole life. And it got me thinking, is Justin currently raising the one true threat to his street-style throne? Is his swag slowly being siphoned away by his offspring right under his nose?! So far, it’s not looking good for JB Sr.
Well! Much like Kylie after forgetting to put on a top for dinner, I’m about to blow out the proverbial candle that is today’s edition of Mess. I hope you’ve enjoyed and indulged. I’ll see you back here next week with a new YouTube video and other sundry treats and treasures for your scrupulous inspection. Ta-ta!!!
Upgrade today to receive every thought I’ve ever had about Taylor Swift and showgirls:
Hit your friends and foes with the ultimate trick AND treat in the form of a gift subscription to this newsletter:
And if you need ideas for the perfect Halloween costume that only the most terminally online will understand, join our totally free Discord server where ~850 Messketeers are ready to inspire:
As always, if you can’t afford to pay for more, just ask me about getting a complimentary subscription. I promise, it’s no big deal. I do it all the time. And if you send over a screenshot of your donation to any abortion fund, bail fund, Gaza relief fund, or honestly anything that helps stymie Trump’s agenda in any capacity, your next month of Mess is on me.