This newsletter is longer than that acoustic song on Euphoria

We need to try collectively shunning Shake from Love Is Blind until he leaves us alone.

Simon Cowell getting a smooch.

Hello there!

Well, we’re four days in and my March has gotten off to a suspiciously prolific start. I’ve been taking calls, signing deals, writing stories, bopping around town, and generally experiencing an unprecedented level of ease and success in my career, which is also, naturally, bringing me an unprecedented amount of …