The 2026 Academy Awards!
Happy 6 years of MESS!!!
Greetings! Welcome to the aftermath of the Academy Awards, Messketeers!
And a blessed 6th Mess-iversary to us all!!!! That’s right, I’ve been producing this newsletter for SIX STRAIGHT YEARS of my life! I don’t know which is more insane, me for writing this newsletter for that long or you for gobbling it up week after week. It should go without saying at this point, but I am incredibly grateful to all 19K+ of you for taking the time out of your busy lives to engage with my various fashion frivolities and for helping make Mess my full-time job over the last two years. I couldn’t ask for a cooler group of readers with more impeccable taste.
When not partying like it’s 2020 in commemoration of this newsletter milestone (i..e. sitting on my couch and never going outside), it’s actually been a pretty busy week! I returned home from Massachusetts where I livestreamed the Oscars to you all out of my friend’s spare bedroom. Substack’s livestreaming platform still leaves MUCH to be desired despite my relentless feedback, but my pal Ferron was integral in relaying your many chat messages that I couldn’t actually see. And fear not because a Messketeer has stepped forward out of great frustration to help me finally learn OBS so I never have to rely on Substack’s audio-visual services again, and hopefully by the time the Met Gala rolls around all will be resolved so that we may enjoy a seamless technological and viewing experience of that tragic red carpet.
Because my ancient apartment continues to crumble around me, we finally got the refrigerator replaced only for my toilet to explode in the midst of me writing this email. The joys of renting truly never cease! But on the bright side, I did get my little young Ozzy bangs trimmed this week which makes me feel like at least one thing is right in the world again. Also, whenever I go to the hair salon, I always swing by that chain Maman for a little tasty treat afterwards because it’s right next door and I am a firm believer in rewarding myself for accomplishing even the most minor of adult tasks. And I just wanted to say, if you have the opportunity to partake of this pastry they made in collaboration with Martha Stewart that’s like a creme brulée sugar bun thing, do it immediately because it is DELECTABLE. Like for sure very decadent and you could def split it with someone, but I picked at it over an afternoon and delighted in every single bite. Really an exceptional indulgence if you can get your hands on it.
And the last thing I have to impart on you all before we get into the highs and lows of Oscars night is that I’ll be doing a Substack livestream on Monday at 5 pm EST for paid subs where we can recap all things Oscars or whatever other pressing issues the tabloids dredge up in the interim.
Hope to see you all there! But in the meantime, THE OSCARS:
To begin with, by far the most important thing that happened to me on the Oscars red carpet was learning about the PricewaterhouseCoopers accounting firm and the crucial role they play in Hollywood’s biggest night. Apparently everyone but me knows that they’re the historical keepers of the Academy Awards ballots since 1935, overseeing the whole voting process and delivering the envelopes unto the ceremony.
Personally, I feel these facilitators need to be featured MUCH more prominently and their briefcases could likewise be jazzed up substantially. Is no bag designer willing to take on the task of making something custom? Do all the jewelry brands find it beneath them to craft a diamond and platinum encrusted casing?? I just feel for such an important job, much more pomp and circumstance should be heaped upon this momentous feat of tallying. Just something to consider for next year! If Coldstone Creamery is allowed to entrap celebrities into doing accidental spon con on the Critics’ Choice step-and-repeat every year, why not give PricewaterhouseCoopers’ actuaries a chance to walk some famous people through their outstanding tax returns?!
On Oscars night, I was asked by friend of the letter Eliza Brooke to name my pick for best dressed at the ceremony and my first impulse was to bestow that honor upon the ladies of Sentimental Value, Renate Reinsve and Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas. As I explained to Eliza’s readers, what struck me about these particular gowns is how at first glance they look incredibly simple and timeless, but both have design elements that make them completely weird and unique. And I think for two actors attending their first Oscars, both made such excitingly bold choices.
Renate wore yet another custom Louis Vuitton gown that I was shocked knocked my socks off. One of the commentators we were watching on Oscars night called this dress “risqué” which I think speaks to the illusion this dress creates that you are seeing a lot more than you actually are because this is hardly risqué!! I mean, we have famous women showing up on red carpets fully nude at this point, I don’t think a little thigh is going to kill us. But I think the asymmetry of the skirt does amp up the feeling of exposure and also makes the gown feel off-kilter in a way that transforms this simple column silhouette into something totally original again. My only point of contention is actually the shoe as I feel the ankle strap prematurely cuts off her leg when I think what this dress demands is unfettered flesh from hip bone to tootsie.
And Inga wore this custom Loewe column gown with a big old ShamWow combover at the neckline, like a Muppet’s tongue emerging out of the bust. Again, this is a masterclass in black tie statement dressing. Completely elegant, yet with a little freak twist. The boob flap actually looks like it was made out of one of those Barefoot Dreams blankets which makes me hopeful that the whole gown is lined in that same fabric so Inga can flip that thing up into a pillow and take a luxurious nap whenever the mood strikes her.
But while I paid lip service to my Norwegian queens on Oscars night, upon further reflection, my actual title for best dressed of the evening might have to go to Sinners star Jack O’Connell for this low-key vampiric homage. In fact, this might be the first truly good use of a red carpet PR plug for a movie in the history of relentless red carpet film promotion we’ve been living through post-pandemic. A plug made all the better by the fact that there’s nothing actually left to promote as it’s Oscars night and Sinners was a shoo-in to be a big winner. Plus, I think how casual and understated this nod to his character is only makes it all the more impactful.
Up next, the best pair of pants I’ve ever seen, the biggest trends of Oscars night, Devon Lee Carlson’s butt cheek sliver, Lisa Rinna’s 11 pounds of hair and, of course, my many, many thoughts on the blue-eyed Kim Kardashian of it all.