Let Channing Tatum wear his Crocs in peace!

How do Salma Hayek and her owl not have their own reality show already?

Well, it finally got me.

Mercury retrograde really did the damn thing. While every celebrity is getting caught in 4K sneaking in some rendezvous with an ex, I’m currently being punished by that irritating planet’s orbit by having every laundry machine in my building break at the same time just as every piece of clothing I’ve ever owned is at peak filth l…