I would very much like to be excluded from the "touch grass" narrative

Is there a backyard Tom Cruise's helicopter won't land in?

Greetings from Vacationland!

That’s right, I am currently writing to you from the wilds of Maine where I’ve been staying with my extended family in a rustic cabin that reeks of mildew, has knick-knacks as far as they eye can see, and seems to have been built for someone roughly 4’5” tall. Ah, true New England lakeside living!

Those readers who’ve met me I…