I never wrote a picture in my life
But I may have caused the Beckham-Peltz family feud.
‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, Messketeers!
Finally. At long last. We’re back together again and all is right with the world. I’ve returned to your loving arms with an overflowing satchel filled with my precious, precious fashion slop. You do not know how hard it has been for me to bite my tongue regarding these outfits for all of this time we’ve been apart. There is so much to discuss, so much detritus to sift through, and delightful foolishness to parse. And I still have even MORE I want to talk about that I had to cut from this email for brevity because there’s simply too much to get into today. (But don’t worry, I will save it for a future paid email.)
Like I said on Tuesday, I've returned from Oregon where I had a fabulous time with my friends and their offspring. I spent most of my days entirely laptop-free, which felt insane in a good way. Most of this week I’ve just spent trying to get myself back up to speed again, falling back into the rhythms and the to-do list of my regular life. The jet lag that would prefer I stay up until 1 am every night has not been helping me in achieving this goal. Especially when my alarm clock is Fran who insists that I wake up and get to walkin’ every day shortly after sunrise.
Another fun surprise upon my return to Mess HQ was the discovery that my bedroom air conditioner is broken! And the company can’t fix it until next week! No worries!!!! I have always wanted a sauna in the house. Oh, and my internet, the lifeblood of my profession, has also been going in and out all week. Is my apartment attempting to slowly expunge me from it? I can take a hint.
The only other thrilling thing that’s transpired for me this week is that I’ve been invited to an “e-girl summit” hosted by Polyester magazine and I am slightly trepidatious. I’m much too old to be an e-girl, in fact I was already firmly an e-adult at the time of that subculture’s inception, but I do love to David Attenborough the youth so I’ll keep you posted on how that goes.
Oh, and yesterday I filmed a video for paid subscribers all about Robin Givhan’s excellent book The Battle of Versailles and the evolution of fashion in Paris vs New York. I think that history is all so fascinating, and I hope you guys will enjoy it as well. That will be out for your consumption hopefully Wednesday next week!
Ok, now it’s time for the good stuff!!!
I want to begin today on an outrageously positive note because we’re going to have to face down a lot of sartorial darkness in a couple of images from now and I want to bolster your strength on the front end.
I can’t express how important Rihanna is to my delicate fashion psyche. Because when her outfits hit, they hit so unbelievably hard and always in such unexpected ways. Like it’s one thing for her to just look like her usual ineffably beautiful self as she does here on the right in this custom Saint Laurent ball gown. But the Alaïa on the left is something else entirely. I obviously already liked this dress on the runway because of the padded hip bolster, but seeing it with the pregnant belly changes this look into something else entirely. It makes all the dimension and unusual curves here all the more intriguing. Go look at this outfit move from every angle because it really needs to be understood in 360 degrees.
And the only other thing I wanted to add is that her boys in fresh off the runway baby Dior is genius. It’s insanely cute, they can forever say they were the first to wear Jonathan Anderson’s debut Dior collection on the red carpet, and I’ve never seen two more persuasive spokesmodels for a brand. Cast the whole family in a full-fledged campaign already!!!!
Send Nudes
Something else I’ve been enjoying as of late is Carine Roitfeld on Instagram reminding everyone why she’s the only former Vogue editrix who really matters. First, in the wake of Anna Wintour’s “retirement” announcement, Carine posted an editorial she did for French Vogue featuring a model in full Wintour drag. An editorial better than anything American Vogue has seen in ages. And then she came back this week with this high-fashion x-ray of her scoliosis that is extremely Helmut Newton “X-ray High Heeled Shoe by Karl Lagerfeld.” Phenomenal. She’s not selling anything here, but I’m buying all of it.
And this off-hand social media post just reminded me how impactful Carine’s work has always been on my taste and sensibilities. From her styling at Tom Ford to her editorials in CR Fashion Book, some of which were so fabulous they will be burned in my brain for the rest of my life. Long live the reigning queen of chic, and if the above image doesn’t inspire you to stop wearing stilettos I don’t know what will.
Mysteries Solved
Dipping our toe ever so gently into the abyss, I just wanted to highlight these two headlines that answer questions I’ve previously raised in this newsletter. I once mused over the oddity that Kylie was publicly confirming the details of her breast augmentation with seemingly no immediate plans to sell anything off the back of that PR bump. But foolish me! The product was still forthcoming. The boob-forward, “bombshell-inspired” Frankie’s bikinis are here just in time for you to show off your own 445cc silicone implants with a moderate profile placed half under the muscle by Dr. Garth Fisher!!!!!
And I inquired on Notes last month about why the hell Sydney Sweeney was at the Bezos-Sánchez wedding and that query too has since been clarified in a manner I should’ve already guessed myself. Of course she swapped a public appearance for a Bond girl gig and a billion dollar lingerie brand. I’m positive the brassiere game will be lucrative for her, but personally I think that business move feels way too on the nose.
Magda Goebbels Goes to Paris
Ok. As always, I’m so sorry. I spared you talk of her disappointing attire at the aforementioned wedding. But we’re going to have to touch down on Kim K at the Balenciaga couture show for a real hot second because I have some shit that must be said. For starters, clock the latex. This family can’t help but replay their own greatest hits. They are obsessed with a self-referential, self-mythologizing fashion moment. We’re even fusing eras now, mixing the Yeezy with the pantashoe to absolutely no effect. But, of course, that meta fame commentary is all a part of why Kim K is a face of Balenciaga to begin with (more on that below), I just wish they would execute it with a lot more humor.
Take for example Kim flashing her screen to the paparazzi to show that she is looking at a photo of herself from the day before (center, and the pink outfit (left) is the day before). The concept is fun. The Narcissus mise-en-abyme that is the core of her particular brand of celebrity is a rich text for both the brand and Kim to mine. I just want it to be radically more heavy-handed and vain. This is almost too subtle of a tabloid ploy. Next time, plant a “fan” TikTok taken over Kim’s shoulder catching her swiping through 100 identical photos of herself dressed in Balenciaga.
Honestly, I also really like the abandoned hairstyling clips. It seems like it was just done to keep her hairstyle in shape for the actual runway show, but Kim is such a heavily shellacked perfectionist when it comes to her glam, that there’s something about this mistake, this acknowledgment of the extreme artifice and labor that goes into that artifice’s upkeep, that feels rather thrilling. It’s a peek behind the hair and makeup curtain. I doubt she’d allow it, but I would love to see more of these types of cracks in the facade.
Another Day, Another Horcrux
Oh, boy. Now this is the fashion moment I’ve been dreading addressing with you all. Because while this is a dense and layered stunt that touches on many key topics we speak about regularly in this email, it is also just so deeply boring. Same old, same old. And listen, I get it! This is Demna’s final collection for the brand and Kim is very much a foundational muse of Demna’s Balenciaga universe. You can currently buy a $825 t-shirt from the brand with her face on it and she’s walked the runway poorly for them before. But beyond that, her particular brand of uber fame touches on themes that run throughout Demna’s work about modern American iconography and the tongue-in-cheek self-awareness of the effort that goes into crafting and maintaining that icon status.
Like Marilyn before her, Kim has become a 21st-century projection of our twisted collective fame fantasy, infinitely adaptable yet simultaneously an instantly recognizable brand. Here she is playing the role of Elizabeth Taylor and yet she is still obviously, undeniably, Kim Kardashian. The same way Alexis Stone attends every Balenciaga runway show in increasingly convincing drag of other minor celebrities that fit organically within the world of Balencaiga. Demna seems interested in this easy interchangeability between real and fake, whether it’s his knock-off Gucci handbags or these drag versions of iconic figures. The caricature is often more interesting than the real deal and even the real can’t help but become caricatures due to the very nature of fame.
Like I said earlier, I think it’s all very interesting food for thought and a lot of good fodder for the creative direction of the brand, but I just want them to lean into all of it way harder. Really hit people over the head with the simulacrum. I also don’t think Kim causes quite the stir she once did and without that a lot of these antics lose the symbolic thrust they need to succeed. The gimmick is all washed up. But at the very least, if we must continue to stunt cast Kim, why can’t she work on improving her runway walk even just a little bit?
As for this particular haute couture turn on the catwalk, the look is meant to be an ode to Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, hence the silk slip. Kim is also wearing the actor’s diamond pendant earrings from jeweler Lorraine Schwartz’s private collection. And you already know Kim loves nothing more than to flaunt a dead American icon’s most treasured possessions! I’d be shocked if she didn’t buy these straight off Lorraine as this wouldn’t even be the first piece of Liz’s old jewelry in her collection! She’s been buying up her stuff since 2011. When I say that Kim’s greatest passion is this horcrux behavior, I don’t think people really understand just how deep her own private Planet Hollywood goes.
Hot off the heels of the cheugiest wedding of the century, Mrs. Bezos was also in attendance at the Balenciaga show cosplaying being a Vogue cover girl with that stupid coffee cup clutch again. I’ve already written about my thoughts on why that camp accessory falls flat in the hands of one of the richest people on the planet so I’ll spare you the reprise.
And, as always, I think Lisa Rinna looks best in absolutely giant shapeless sacks and I don’t know why she exclusively breaks them out for fashion week. That said, it feels like her outfits and her wigs are never in dialogue with one another and it’s keeping these looks from transcending from fun to truly iconic. And she’s so close! Like the hair is very Cristobal Balenciaga in its geometry, but it doesn’t quite jive with everything else going on here. I think part of the problem is that if this is really supposed to be a Vidal Sassoon bowl cut like Lisa told a TikToker, it’s way too long and flat. The other issue it that the half dome of the haircut and the neckline feel in competition with one another. I was thinking this might actually look a lot cooler and way more modern with a long, totally face-obscuring bowl cut to the chin! There’s something a little Margiela about that. And as I’ve said before, I think a lot of celebrity fashion could be radically improved if everyone was a little less concerned about having their face be fully visible at all times.
Quoth the raven
Just to cleanse the palate before we part ways, here’s Cardi B at Schiaparelli haute couture with a raven demonstrating how a fashion week stunt is properly done. Longtime Messketeers know I’m usually a fan of her Paris Fashion Week fits. She’s one of the only famous people who really knows how to sell the fantasy. Even just the forethought to bring a raven, which is part of the imagery for her new album, with her to Paris is more effort and consideration than 90% of famous people are putting into their stagecraft.
But I will say, we’ve got to let go of the whole opera glove thing. Just for a little bit. Please. I promise they’ll be back again before you know it!
And I also think this dress would look even better if that neckline cut under the breasts entirely. But that’s neither here nor there, I suppose.
Anklets Abound
And a quick note to say that it’s officially a hot anklet summer!!!! This is something my friends and I have been murmuring about for a couple of months now. In no small part because one of us came into a small bead fortune and started mass producing the cutest anklets imaginable for everyone. But beyond this general group consensus,
recently published some boots on the ground photographic reportage on this trend and I then stumbled upon this image above of Lorde’s tibia bedecked in a Chanel bauble. In a way, this feels like my final Victorian revival trend prediction come to fruition! After seeing panniers, 17th century bloomers, and a set of knickerbockers on the red carpet, I joked earlier this year that we might be due to circle back again to a flash of ankle being the most scandalous form of public exposure. The anklet feels like a gesture towards that sentiment. The anklet is a reminder that ankles are in fact very sexy and demand to be appreciated as such!Cycle Chic
And the last burgeoning trend story I have to share with you today is that we’re slowly seeing the rise of visible period and I’m loving it!!! After Julia Fox dyed her panties red for the Mienne launch party in May, this month numerous people sent me a clip about Kenyan senator Gloria Orwoba who protested period poverty by wearing blood-stained pants to parliament. Further evidence of what a simple, yet provocative gesture a period stain can be. Also, Gloria rules. And then just this week, Brooks Nader, who has been on a publicity tear since attending the Bezos-Sánchez wedding as part of the famous friends-for-hire contingent, posted the above TikTok about getting her period at Wimbledon and call me crazy but I think there’s something to it! This feels like a real way to use fashion to push buttons and be divisive that has yet to be explored, lo, these many years since we blew the celeb nudity Overton window wide open. Now, someone give me the glam menstruation already!
Well, that’s all from me, folks. I’ll see you next week with a video on The Battle of Versailles for paid subs and your usual Friday programming for everyone else. Wishing you all infinite Mediterranean moonlit nights!!!!!
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Lisa Rinna is giving Moe from The Three Stooges vibes - she never quite pulls off her look.
Make menstruation fashionable!!! Truly the thing that could push Kimmy to the tops of our feeds again