Goop centrism

I knew I should've held on to my copy of Modelland...

Sabrina Carpenter at the World Cup / me hunting for an interesting outfit this week.

Howdy, buckaroos!

How are ya? Hope you had a nice week and found some ways to stay cool. I know that finding a way to submerge my body in the ocean has suddenly moved to the top of my list of priorities.

I forgot to mention last week one of my favorite things I published over on Interview recently, which is Mackenzie Thomas’s essay about visiting this elite, member’s only sex club called SNCTM. It’s such a beautiful, thoughtful, funny piece, and yet the Instagram post about it has devolved into one of the most inexplicably heated comment sections I’ve seen in a minute. It’s like none of our followers remember the personal essay boom of the aughts. Interestingly, most of their ire seems to be directed at her choice in dress. An overpriced Reformation slip is apparently the most unforgivable of sins a young author can engage in. But haters aside, it really is a great piece, you should go read it.

Also great is this fascinating piece of service journalism by our editorial assistant Ary who asked the strippers of Pumps all about their favorite lingerie. I genuinely learned so much and got such an interesting insight into the practical considerations of their wardrobe and how that side of the business operates. I’m excited to do more stuff in this vein for Interview in the future.

And of course, this week we debuted our new Madonna cover and interview. It is extremely major and kind of insane that that’s the first issue with my name on the masthead (even though I really had nothing to do with the making of it). And just when you think you can’t top the Queen of Pop, in even more exciting work-related news, I finagled Nando’s into sending the whole office lunch on Monday! lol. I’ve never had it and I’m so excited to try. Let me know in the comments if there’s anything specific that’s a must.

Oh, and I also got bamboozled by Apple Music into going to this Jay Z event in Dumbo that involved a very nebulous, yet strict and urgent invite. That, to me and I think many of the guests who attended, tacitly implied some sort of surprise performance or appearance might be happening. So when I initially entered the space and realized, “oh, this is just a gift shop,” I ignored that thought and decided to persist, standing around long past the time I normally would have left and gone to bed. In the end, all I got was a t-shirt and a hangover from my sugar-laden cocktail, but honestly it was all worth it for these one-bite cheeseburgers they had. Like actually insane. Even better than the Lucali pizza they were handing out. At one point, I literally cheeseburger bite cheers’d with the woman standing across from me that is how enraptured I was.

Also, I was on the Too Niche? Mood Board podcast with Jessica DeFino this week where we chatted about a few trends we’ve been thinking about for summer, including an EXCLUSIVE take from yours truly I’ve yet to mention in this newsletter! Check it out!

It’s time.

Ok first, you know that I am the foremost (only) journalist religiously working the Beckham-Peltz beat through tears of boredom. And as such, it is my solemn duty to inform you on all the latest, nothing-burger updates from that household, which this week comes to us in the form of this picture of one of their many fluffy, white dogs. I maintain that these identical, pristine bichon frisés are the most interesting thing about them and they would be wise to lean into the Best in Show busy bee vibe of it all.

Anyway, the cause for conversation over this Instagram Story was not the dog, but rather this glimpse at the black-and-white nude self-portraiture that decorates the couple’s home. And I kind of can’t believe that anyone is surprised that this is the “art” that hangs upon these two billionaire’s walls. It is extremely Scheana Shay coded. Extremely Spencer and Heidi Pratt. Both reality stars, which I think Nicola and Brooklyn would absolutely love to be if anyone at all was interested. I have documented how much these two love fame in these pages many a time, and I would imagine that loving and pursuing fame in such a voracious manner probably requires a decorating-your-house-with-giant-nudes-of-yourself-level of narcissism just as a jumping off point.

Freaky Footwear Alert

Now, these new Saint Laurent shoes were instantly extremely hated online. But, listen. My interest is piqued! Menswear is long overdue for a little freak shoe like this. Something a little bit nasty. The PVC oxford feels like their answer to the ubiquitous Pleaser. A foot fetishist’s fantasy and everyone else’s aesthetic nightmare. I can dig it. It has always been my ministry to encourage famous men to dress sluttier and if transparent footwear is the step we have to take to finally get further into that territory, so be it. Besides it also bolsters my 2026 time-based fashion concept as these shoes will get increasingly fogged up and damp the longer they’re on the wearer’s foot producing a constantly evolving, all-natural patina.

A Waste of Good Gucci

We talked at length about the new AI eyewear arms race happening right now on the new episode of the podcast out next week, so I’ll point you in that direction for all of my thoughts on that front. But something that I did want to articulate explicitly in these pages in regards to this event is simply that Kylie Jenner ruined a perfectly good Gucci by Tom Ford dress, in my opinion. And for what!

For those who haven’t seen the original 1999 runway look, the front of this leather frock is supposed to have a long key hole opening down the sternum, which is very much the whole allure of this garment. But for whatever reason, Kylie decided to seal it shut and completely eliminate all the sex appeal along with it. As I said on the pod, my question now is: was this bad alteration made because the opening made Kylie’s boobs look bad? Or was it made because Meta has some weird morality clause about the amount of flesh their spokeswomen are allowed to expose while promoting their product? I would love to know.

Quotidian Mogged Again

If I was the eBay seller who sold Law Roach this t-shirt for $35 or whatever, I would be punching the air right now. I would be looking into ways to recoup outfit royalties by any means necessary. But I wanted to highlight the look because this is yet another perfect example of my red carpet shooting the moon theory at its finest. Being quotidian mogged by Zendaya in a jumbo sleep tee is a serious form of humbling. But also, she is probably the only person on earth who can actually pull off doing this with just a Louboutin So Kate and a Rolex deal, so famous people please don’t get any ideas. Also, I know this is the obvious styling choice, but I do wish there was a massive diamond necklace situation happening here.

A Grotty Golden Collar

Jaden Smith just held another Christian Louboutin show which we do not need to discuss as I’m sure you can all imagine exactly how that went. But I bring it up because the event did bring out his mother Jada Pinkett Smith in this golden floating collar further confirming our Chippendales trend. The issue with this one is that it needs a serious polish where she’s been touching it around the front. But I do think it’s helpfully reflecting light up onto her face, which immediately reminded me of that bounce board dress I showed you at the Cannes Film Festival.

I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen more fashion designed to optimize whatever unfortunate red carpet lighting a star might encounter, especially after the fiasco that was the Vanity Fair afterparty light-mare earlier this year. On the new pod, Jess and I chatted about how we could see the Meta glasses evolving to have baked-in beauty filters in the future, and I can totally see clothing with baked-in blown-out photoshop lighting happening soon as well, like that French tv show with the crazy illuminated desk that makes everyone look snatched.

Further Trend Updates

There are two fun looks from the Serpentine Summer Party that I wanted to share with you before we go—Jewel in Marc Jacobs Fall 2025 and Jessie Ware in Kiko Kostadinov. Additional gorgeous evidence of longterm Mess trends we’ve been tracking. Jewel’s is a perfect example of the bumper car bodies that have been bracing for impact this year, but given a slight down comforter bent. And you know nothing appeals to my particular sensibilities more than a garment that can transform into a sleeping bag with ease. As for Jessie, I just enjoy the blocky, bricolage’d structure of this bodice. It feels like a DIY take on the big shape gowns we saw all of last year. I particularly enjoy the unexpectedness of a cubed breast plate.

If You Give a Celeb a Pocket…

Finally, my friend Eva DM’d me this photo of Olivia Wilde thrusting her hands into the secret hip pockets of her Saint Laurent gown at The Invite premiere. And as I told her, this moment has inspired me to write my own children’s book called If You Give a Celeb a Pocket… because after a decade plus of this job I have learned that they will literally always use ‘em if they’ve got ‘em!!!! And nine times out of ten the insertion of those mitts is not for the betterment of the silhouette. But my hyper specific pet peeve aside, great dress, no complaints.

Ok, well it’s time for my nightly chocolate bar and disassociation hour, so I’ve got to log off. But I’ve loved chatting with all of you here today and I hope to see you again real soon for more from the couture chum bucket. Until next time, Messketeers! <3

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