Get thee to an opera house!
Zach Braff is NOT dating his AI chatbot. Yet.
Hi hi, my friends!
Happy Friday the 13th to all those who celebrate. I’m currently on a train headed to western Mass to spend a long weekend luxuriating with my pal while soaking up all the nature and tiny antique stores the state has to offer. I am also currently listening to a 20-year-old girl speak to her terrible boyfriend (she had to beg him both to eat a piece of avocado toast and not call her a bitch, but also she HAS to get married by “at least 24” so alas) on speaker phone at full volume in this completely silent train car despite multiple people telling her to shut the hell up. Ah, the many joys of old fashioned rail travel! But honestly, I do enjoy a hateful eavesdrop so I really can’t complain.
On the topic of New England and it’s many charming propensities, I made a joke on Notes this week that no youth slang can embarrass me because I grew up saying wicked, which is not really a joke so much as it is simply a statement of fact about me and why I can fully embrace the frippery of shouting things like I’m jestermaxxing, fam, without an ounce of shame.
In response to this proclamation, friend of the letter Josh Gondelman reported back that he has recently started incorporating “wicked” into his own everyday vernacular again, and it got me wondering if I should join him…..you can’t deny it’s a powerful linguistic intensifier!!! Totally and very WISH they had such swag. Much to consider on the wickedmaxxing New Hampshire-core front.
The only other updates I have to share are that, as a glutton for workouts so challenging they force my overactive brain to do a hard reset, I continue to inflict Barry’s upon myself where I have now encountered a whole new echelon of fitness psychopaths. I feel like a couch-bound ethnographer dropped onto a strange, six-pack-laden planet. I have never felt so slow and so fast at the same damn time. I also did a psoas stretch this week that made me realize that I’ve perhaps never correctly stretched my psoas before in my life as the sensation actually made me nauseous. I suddenly acutely understand what everyone is talking about re: stored trauma in the body, and I will be trepidatiously investigating this stupid muscle further.
Also, if you don’t follow me on Instagram, I got a new giant Ikea mirror that can actually reflect my entire body at one time and so I finally made good on my resolution to post more outfit pics. Are they my best outfits? No. But all in due time. Maybe I’ll show you guys some more in another two months from now.
Finally, I’m going to be livestreaming all my thoughts on the Oscars red carpet straight from my friend’s closet at 5pm est on Sunday over on Substack so please mark that down on your cals and we’ll chit-chat into the night about some deeply mid gowns.
Ok, you know the drill!
To kick off today’s edition, I just wanted to compliment Chappell Roan on this half-and-half Vivienne Westwood gown. A creative way to flash full posterior on the red carpet that I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of witnessing to date, although Addison Rae’s Alaïa Grammys gown certainly came close to this party in the front porno in the back perfection. It also makes me wonder why we haven’t seen more of this type of bifurcated dressing. Where have all the 50/50 Victor/Victorias gone! Also, this is exactly the type of whopping, structural hairdo I’ve been hoping to see more of all year.
Invisible Shirts
I’d also just like to point out that there seems to be a new trend brewing out there on the streets of New York and Paris consisting of floating shirt elements, namely collars set adrift on a sea of clavicle. Maura Higgins wore this dress with a very creepy sheer collar emerging out of her neck like a slab of bonus flesh that got flopped over and outlined in black sharpie. And Alex Consani attended the Courrèges show in a top from the brand consisting predominately of turtleneck and boob pockets. Personally, I would’ve preferred if the chest pouches and choker were completely standalone and affixed in place with adhesive, but I also understand that I am the lone soldier in this endless war against the tyranny of illusion mesh.
Invisible Shirts Part 2
Now, THIS is a genuinely thrilling fashion development. After I reported to you on the wonders of Kim Petras’s temporary tattoo faux Dior top the other week, it appears we were blessed with yet another piece of disintegrating high fashion by the same designer. Tyla stepped out in this snakeskin-print “jacket” by Simon Carle during Paris Fashion Week with nothing on underneath. I actually like this one even more than Kim’s because it’s not applied as well and you can already see all the places where it’s started to wrinkle and tear and rub off the body, which I feel like is exactly what I want to see from such a garment. Now why are we still not getting any time-lapse videos of its destruction over the course of a night out on the town? And where are the incensed tabloid headlines about the outrageous (fictional) cost of this single-wear item??!!!
Bubblicious
You know, as someone who has watched the insufferable program Love Thy Nader, I can say confidently that these gals are unbelievably boring, but they really do understand how to do a PR stunt in a way that should have the KarJenners shaking in their stilettos. Case in point, perhaps you’ll recall Brooks traipsing around a beach in Cabo at the beginning of this year pointedly reading The Art of Seduction. And much as with Brooklyn and Nicola toting around their pristine bichon frisés, I find this to be an excellent use of calling the paps on yourself. Likewise, while this is regrettably just one big ad for Jukebox deodorant (I swear my endorsement was not spon, although it should’ve been!!!), I must admit the Lady Gaga bubble sets are solid. Of course, I would’ve preferred them with no modesty undergarments and fashioned out of real bubbles that popped with every click of their heels. But even so, I firmly believe that, along with the tattooed-on tops above, we are slowly cracking open the public’s psyche to the immense possibilities of ephemeral fashions.
Stacks on Stacks
Someone shared this image of Mariah the Scientist on Notes this week in which she’s wearing Iris van Herpen Spring 2016 heels, and I just wanted to say that the realization of our stilt dreams looms ever closer. I know that technically this shoe is a decade old and not actually any different than wearing a platform wedge, but doesn’t it feel like she’s wearing two sets of heels stacked on top of each other?? Our apple crate footwear can’t be too far behind!
Pagliacci’s Revenge
These images are both technically from Rita Ora’s photo shoot for Crash magazine, but I had to include them as they prove that no matter the situation the pop star’s finger is as firmly pressed upon the Mess pulse as ever. Naturally, I was struck by this Duran Lantink two-piece on the right as these are precisely the type of padded-out swim floaties I’ve been championing in these pages. Bumper lanes for bodies moving through a tumultuous world. But I am positively blown away by this re-appropriation of party hats on the left. This is true clown-core innovation! Plus, you all know how I feel about clothing that doubles as weaponry. Swap out the paper cones for some metal spikes and then we’d really be cookin’! Also, please note the Bozo-approved coiffures.
Bottoms Up
First of all, a truly diabolical combo of headline and pap pic by Page Six to make you believe these two are having a second baby. But I bring up this image simply to say that Justin may have accidentally stumbled upon his first genuinely interesting Skylrk design with these bottom-heavy sunnies fittingly called “Upside Down.” They feel like something Demna would’ve come up with if you gave him one more season to ruminate on Balenciaga’s opticals division. They’re like shades with built-in under-eye baggage. I also feel like they speak more broadly to the topsy-turvy vibe going on in fashion right now. I’m thinking specifically of Addison’s Alaïa again that made it look like her torso got put on backwards. I think it makes sense as all of the rotten systems that have made up the foundation of American life for so long begin to crumble around us that our fashion would likewise find itself in that same shambolic state.
Orbeez-core
And finally, Ariana Madix is here to confirm that the big shape dress movement is not dead yet! She attended some Vanity Fair party wearing a Le Thanh Hoa gown that looks like a forest green Pac-Man is puking her back up after attempting to swallow her whole. As always, I obviously hate the highly visible mesh insert holding this deep-V neckline in place, but I can’t help but be delighted by a garment that not only doubles the wearer’s width, foreshortens the torso, and fully conceals their arms, but also renders them completely ineffectual. Again, underscoring the big lesson of 2026 that true luxury is self-hobbling.
Ok, my gorgeous, gorgeous girls! That’s been all the fits fit to print. See you back here on Sunday for the Oscars red carpet livestream of the century or again next Friday for your weekly injection of bullshit. Later, dolls!
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