Furries at Mar-a-Lago
The streets are saying Aaron Rodgers married his Chat GPT....
Hello and good evening, Messketeers!
My deepest condolences for the serious belatedness and brevity of this email, but omg I am SO SICK! This week, I was felled by the flu in a serious way and have spent the last few days tossing and turning in bed, unable to string together a coherent thought, let alone multiple sentences. It feels like a cruel twist of fate that this illness has befallen me on a week when I also had the most writing to do outside of this email that I’ve had in ages, plus a million fun ideas for stuff I wanted to do in these emails.
Plus, I actually haven’t had a serious cold since pre-pandemic times, which is insane, and means that this one is hitting incredibly hard. You know things are dire when you have to get the DayQuil and ginger ale delivered directly to your face instead of crawling to the bodega. And not even just DayQuil, but DayQuil SEVERE, which I didn’t previously know existed but feels like the only tool appropriate for addressing my current dilapidated state of being.
My head feels like it’s floating around untethered from my body, so I’m going to attempt to keep things brief here today, giving you nothing but the hottest goss and most tepid fashions. The only additional intel I need you to know about my week before we get into it is:
I’m back on my basket weaving bullshit. I made another potato basket, and I find her to be stunning and gorgeous, despite the fact that I still cannot correctly weave an ear for the life of me. I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that that’s going to have to be the tell-tale signature on all of my baskets.
There were SO MANY shawls at the Golden Globes. Everyone had a little wisp of rectangular fabric draped atop their elbows, and I was charmed to see it. It feels both very 90s and very old Hollywood, and considering this has been an awards season filled with extremely pared back gowns, I appreciated that little flourish.
And again, apologies to my paid subs who I had great plans for this week and much content for us to chuckle over. I might double you up on emails next week to make up for my absence. But let me focus on actually getting over this flu before I start making more promises from my sick bed I can’t keep.
Ok, now let’s do this before I fall asleep again.
To begin with, Teyana Taylor has been absolutely smashing her recent red carpet appearances, perhaps in part due to the fact that it seems she’s finally taken my feedback and has dramatically paired back on the accessorizing.
And I was already enraptured by this Schiaparelli gown at the Golden Globes on the left when I saw it from the front, as it is tailored to absolute perfection. But then I was tagged numerous times in photos of it from the back as Messketeers realized the dress features a diamanté bow directly over her intergluteal cleft. And while you may think this bolsters Vogue’s claim that crack could come back in 2026, I’d like to make a small suggestion to the contrary. Because, much as I noted on Cardi B’s chain-backed dress last month, what we are getting here is not, in fact, crack, but rather its total absence. And in the elimination of that visible fissure, the cheeks are rendered a neutral expanse of flesh to be exposed anew. I believe what we are being served here is actually anti-crack, and you better believe I will be keeping you all posted as this fashion movement continues to develop.
As for the Ashi Studio dress on the right, someone on the Discord called it the build-a-body final boss, and I must concur. It’s like a 3D heart has been tacked upon her lower body. But I do love a dress with a built-in arm rest and a shelf upon which to balance my cocktail. Of course, my favorite part of this look is the couture neck gaiter that leaves only the top half of Teyana’s face exposed, further testament of my 2026 trend prediction that actually seeing celebrities’ faces is about to become the new hallmark of true luxury.
2D Panniers
Speaking of build-a-body, this is just a note to say that I thought we had firmly left panniers back at the beginning of 2025, but awards season said, nuh-uh, not so fast!!! However, this new crop of panniers isn’t the voluminous, pommel horse-shaped hip extenders we’ve become accustomed to, but rather they’ve re-emerged totally flattened. Both Lana Candor and Kate Hudson stepped out in gowns in the lead up to the Golden Globes with these triangular panels that looked like they’d taken a tumble beneath a steamroller, which is likewise in line with my prediction that we are moving firmly into the realm of the 2D in 2026.
Golden Globes Best Dressed
By and large, I found the Golden Globes red carpet to be tame and tasteful to the point of extreme tedium. But there was one gown that I’ve been thinking about every day since, and that’s Renate Reinsve in this stunning custom Louis Vuitton gown with a reverse scoop neck and metallic silver fringe to the floor that swung every which way as she walked. I’ve already been telling anyone and everyone who will listen to me that Renate might very well be one of the best actors alive, and now I feel I must add best dressed to that honorific as well.
And I felt completely ambivalent about Zoë Kravitz’s custom Saint Laurent negligee at those same awards, except to say that the look feels very played out to me and not sophisticated enough for this event. But, my tune rapidly changed when I saw that her look for the after parties was just a mini dress version of that exact same gown. Something about that choice to just chop the dress in half to go party is very funny to me. And now I need there to be a mandate for all famous people to wear a shorter, sluttier version of the same dress they wore on the red carpet to any parties afterwards.
Almost Best-Dressed
In my flu fugue state, I’ve been scrolling the ‘gram at length, where I saw Charli XCX had shared this BTS image of herself getting ready for the Globes, and I have to say I’m disappointed. Because while I thought her Saint Laurent dress was fine, the combo of just this sunglass, corset, thong, and clutch would have been MAJOR. Talk about The Moment. There’s something in particular about repurposing your clutch as a top — with the stress and wardrobe malfunction inherent in that choice — that I find to be very powerful. And given that handbags are typically high-fashion brands’ top earners, you’d think they’d be gung-ho to make a boob-concealing stunt like this happen.
Actually Best Dressed
But the most pressing observation I have to share with you is: do the celebrities at this W magazine party understand just how hard they were being stunted upon by EIC Sara Moonves? Mogged to death. Just wrecking them at every turn in this custom demi-couture vintage silk tapestry and reconstituted fur robe by Connor Ives. This is exactly what I want all my rich people to look like.
Polar Vortex Incoming
And lastly, on the topic of stoles, I just wanted to point out the latest Irina Shayk outfit to cross my desk and make me think, hmm……she might actually be on to something there. After I heaped praise upon her jumbo fur coat and Daisy Duke combo last month, I am back to share yet another faux fur-centric ensemble that isn’t quite right, but is circling a very good idea, and that idea is plush swaddling. I think this jumbo stole would’ve really popped if the all-leather outfit underneath was way sharper and more precise giving a good contrast to build off of. But once again, I am mostly just loving this new spate of outfits that render the paparazzi unsure about who they’re actually taking a photograph of.
Ok, well I’m as devastated as Stellan Skarsgård seeing what the Golden Globes was trying to pass off as dinner, but that’s all the Mess my sick, little brain can muster up for you today. I promise I’ll be back real soon with a whole lot more treats and treasures, including a Mess Recs for paid subs and a new YouTube video. But until then, I’ve got to convalesce. Bye-bye! <3
For those of you who are currently as fit as a fiddle and never felt better, perhaps I could cajole you into signing up for a paid subscription to this email as mama needs another bottle of DayQuil SEVERE and that shit ain’t cheap:
If all of your friends and family are likewise currently in the best shape of their lives and looking for new challenges, substantially add to their mental burdens by getting them a gift subscription to this email:
Or share all of your old wives’ tale remedies for the common cold in our thriving Mess chatroom:
As always, if you can’t afford to pay for more, just ask me about getting a complimentary subscription. I promise, it’s no big deal. I do it all the time. And if you send over a screenshot of your donation to any abortion fund, bail fund, Gaza relief fund, or honestly anything that helps stymie Trump’s agenda in any capacity, your next month of Mess is on me.
Oh no, I hope you feel better!