Big News: It is I who will replace Ellen on Ellen

Let a drone host the Emmys, you cowards!

Hey, fuck you, you fuckin fucks!

You guessed it. After a half-year-long sabbatical in the wilds of Rhode Island and New Hampshire—which felt like three whole years of my life—I’m back in a New York State of Mind, bay-bee. By which I mean vaguely stressed and sweaty all the time for no discernible reason whilst feeling like a hipster Sisyphus rolling the …