Adrien Brody's brooch collection
I've never heard less about the Cannes red carpet.
Hello, hello, hello!
Happy Saturday, Messketeers! What a delight to finally be past my self-induced Met Gala psychosis having spun out all my disparate and alarming theories for you on that topic in one massive email last week. This week, it feels like pop culture went on a bit of a temporary hiatus to allow me to finally catch up on it all, which meant that I even had time to sit down and record a couple videos for you about all the fashions I’ve been mulling over for the last month. Scary stuff! Keep your eyes peeled on YouTube for that.
People keep telling me that they don’t know how I’m juggling it all and demanding I tell them my secret, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t know either and when I decided to make the insane choice of having two full-time jobs simultaneously I just told myself to turn off my brain, do it, and don’t ask any questions about how. So far, that’s been a shockingly effective tactic. It also helps that one of those jobs (this one) is just word vomiting the nonsense already floating around in my brain all over the page.
So as has become my new normal, I had a very busy week, but also a deeply charmed and bougie one. Starting off with a press appointment at Spencer’s spa in SoHo where I received a remarkably good facial and massage. While the services were excellent and the space felt legitimately decadent in a way most spas in New York no longer do these days (slippers, hot towels, cups of tea, etc.), my mind was mostly preoccupied throughout my visit with doing calculations on how much they’re paying in rent and how that math is mathing. TWO floors in PRIME SoHo? A newly opened Williamsburg location? A facial room with at least FIVE FEET OF EMPTY SPACE ON EVERY SIDE OF THE TABLE??? I’m going to need to see a floor plan, some real estate comps, and that building’s lease agreement STAT.
If that wasn’t enough of a luxe out-of-office sojourn, I also got a private tour of the new Iris Van Herpen exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum. The show is fab, the clothing truly mind-boggling, and for the rest of my days I will be haunted by the soundtrack designed by Iris’s husband of rattling bones that follows you from room to room. Chatting with the PR manager, I also learned that the museum collaborated on a part of the exhibit with a CORAL CURATOR which is one of those jobs that seems impossible that its real and that someone actually has it, and then makes you furious that no one ever told you that was a possibility at any point in your life. So obviously, I have been absolutely possessed by that knowledge ever since.
And this week in the office, I fully abused my powers for the betterment of all by orchestrating an interview between two of my favorite people, MJ Corey of Kardashian Kolloquium and Jessica DeFino, the woman who puts the World in Mess World and the “Brow” in our Book Club (It should go without saying that I am obviously the “Low”). Their conversation was EXCELLENT and I promise there is so much there to learn and enjoy even if you despise the Kardashians. But also, if you do despise the Kardashians to that degree, what the hell are you doin’ reading this email every week. Stop torturing yourself!!
And re: today’s title, this week, we published an interview with Adrien Brody where I bullied our associate editor into asking him about his brooch collection as those door knocker lapel adornments are a serious pet passion of mine, and hearing him wax poetic about them was everything I could have wanted.
Well, I’m going to keep things trucking along here as I’m currently up in Hudson visiting with my fam who are in the area poking around. We’ve been eating at some phenomenal local spots, like Stissing House (be very jealous of all the simple Shaker bread and butter I gorged on). But also, all of those locales are like minimum an hour drive away from where we are staying, so I gotta jet.
Now, without further ado!!!
To begin with, I just want to say that these are the true gems we miss out on discussing when I’m forced to talk about the oppressive dullness of the Met Gala. I have been sitting on this piece of information for two, full calendar weeks now, desperate to share this latest development in celeb placenta news with you all. See, I thought Cardi B’s gold-plated umbilical cord was fun, but little did I know Kesha was out here rocking a talisman filled with her own powdered placenta every single day. I actually have way more questions about this than Alex Cooper could ever possibly provide answers for. However, the one insight Call Her Daddy did provide me with is that Kesha believes this dehydrated temporary organ “gives you second sight” and “opens up your third eye” and that is the kind of freaky, woo woo accessory mumbo jumbo I can get behind.
Couture Humblebrag
And you know, in the wake of the Gala, I was mourning the current state of diva-dom. Most notably, the dressing Stevie Nicks in custom Zara of it all. Something I was informed of on the livestream and genuinely thought I was being pranked by my viewers. But my spirits were bolstered this week after stumbling upon these two and realizing that some of our living legends are still living legendarily.
I will never not love a Jennifer Tilly couture humblebrag. Like wearing that custom Balmain gown with her face printed on it to the Real Housewives reunion—fabulous self-promotional reality star behavior. So of course, after the first Monday in May, she had to post about owning a Jean Paul Gaultier ship fascinator of her own that was reminiscent of the Saint Laurent one Madonna wore on the red carpet. This is a rich person using her money wisely. Although, all of these cranial cruisers has now made me wonder where Isabella Blow’s Philip Treacy boat hat is currently residing…..
And Björk made a surprise appearance at the Venice Biennale to do a DJ set at the behest of Bottega Veneta where she finally made this coat from the brand make sense to me. She has put it back in its appropriate context. Of course, obviously, what it was missing all this time was a ponderous pair of Myah Hasbany bunny ears!
Follicle Innovations
Also, sorry, but this is good actually. Finally, a fresh hair concept!!! And thrillingly, it will not be the last fresh hair concept we will see before this email is over. But these studded extensions are exactly the type of divisive beauty and fashion innovations her mother and aunts have long since given up on attempting to provoke us with, so thank god the next generation is finally stepping up to the plate. North’s emo/Hot Topic x Balenciaga goth aesthetic isn’t my personal cup of tea, but I will fight like hell for her right to post her every scene kid aesthetic musing on social media. Keep the pierced and spiked engagement bait coming, Northy.
Gold Gala Update
The Gold Gala offered much Mess to mull over this week. To begin, Chrissy Teigen’s Aiste Hong yoga ball dress reminded me that there has been something going on for a couple of weeks now with these types of pleated, firm, ovoid-shaped skirts. I first started thinking about them during the Met Gala because of Karlie Kloss’s stiff, knife pleat, teardrop Dior dress that gave huge Big Hero 6 energy. Then, I saw some influencer at that same event wearing a similarly robustly shaped, gently-folded midi dress, and now here’s Chrissy in an upside down Blow Pop of her own. This micro trend feels like the love child of Mess looks of yore, fusing the Build-a-Body of yesteryear with the bumper car bodies we’re about to see more of below.
And Nymphia Wind continues to concoct some of the most compellingly strange ensembles I’ve seen on the red carpet. I’m honestly still thinking about that time she dressed up as a giant pea pod wearing a ski mask with a trompe l’œil face drawn atop it. And I was likewise struck by this garment as, while it is extremely Mônot and reminiscent of the many dresses I saw at the AVN Awards this year that were more cutout than fabric, Nymphia took it to a place all others were too fearful to go. And that place is full vag out. Of course, the vag in question here is a mere illusion, a sexless piece of Barbie genitalia. But even so, a bold step forward into a new era of Bianca Censori full-frontal exposure. My only major complaint about Nymphia’s attire is these highly visible, fleshtone stirrup leggings ruining both the line and the illusion of everything going on here.
Clowncore Goes to Cannes
WOW. Now would you look at that, my compatriots in chaos! That’s some Grade-A, gen-u-ine clown couture courtesy of Jacquemus of all people!! Sarah Sherman’s Bozo streetwear vision executed at the highest level. From the second I saw these primary-hued polka dots on the white background of Demi Moore’s dress, I thought to myself, we’ve got a luxury harlequin in our midst. And it didn’t even dawn on me until much later that there’s little sproingy pom-poms busting out all over this gown and handbag. A confetti-inspired embellishment that adds a heaping helping of zany to the overall silhouette. This is the luxe, elevated twist on the court jester I’ve been waiting for. I’ll take all the glamorous Pagliaccis I can get.
Bumper Lane’d and Bolstered
In a similar vein, we’ve been talking about bumper lane bodies for a hot minute in these pages, so while these looks came as no surprise, I was nonetheless excited to see these plush sartorial safety precautions find new purchase and further infiltrate the zeitgeist. I love the casual pool floatie embellishments encircling like a Miss America sash and outlining Nelson Tiberghien and Isabelle Chaput’s bodies. These Quine Li looks for the Webby Awards are very much those swimsuits for toddlers with built-in life preservers, but make it black tie. There’s also something extremely crustacean transpiring here (complimentary).
And I was introduced to this image of Coco Rocha in Iris Van Herpen during my tour of the new exhibition and instantly thought this S&M octopus get-up looked very familiar…..And then, at the end of the show, there’s a wall of all the big red carpet moments Iris has had over the years, including a photo of Solange wearing this very dress to the 2018 Met Gala and I was furious with myself that I could have forgotten such a seminal fashion moment in my life! So anyway, here’s your reminder of how major this dress is and has always been.
Little Drummer Boy Chic
I don’t really have any feelings one way or the other about this, but I have just noticed that there seems to be some sort of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band thing transpiring on the carpets and e-commerce sites lately. Margot Robbie wore this “Little Drummer Boy” McQueen Spring 2026 jacket to a play premiere and I was already thinking about the strangeness of aestheticized formal military garb at this particular juncture in warmonger history, and then I received an email from Praying announcing the restock of their marching band polo. A brand whose alt-right flirtations I have written about at length in the past. Anyway, any symbolism going on with this micro trend feels incredibly thinly veiled, so I’ll let you come to your own conclusions on that front.
Call My Lawyer
And as always, it seems like I tell celebrities to jump and they immediately respond, “How high, my lady of Mess?” Because I recorded my April recap YouTube video this week and I was just reflecting upon Charlize Theron’s neck ruff which I aspirationally referred to as an Issey Miyake-designed cervical collar as I’ve long championed the embrace of couture medical accoutrement. And now here we have Charli XCX in a photoshoot for Perfect magazine styled in a rigid lace and leather neck brace. Gorgeous! Can’t wait for more fashions you’d see in the Cellino & Barnes waiting room. And don’t worry, I’m enrolling myself in fashion psychic school posthaste.
My Queen of Cannes
We will conclude today’s email with the true reason for the season, my personal Cannes Film Festival muse, a lady with a serious flare for hair — Elena Lenina. Why is she there year after year, the world may never know, but man am I thrilled that she is. No one does bouffants like this broad. A true follicular artist at work, stunning hairdressery at play, North found shaking in her platform combat boots. The Bride of Frankenstein beehive on the left has become a signature of hers over the years, so I was charmed to see this new iteration featuring a wicker orb filled with rose petals that she appears to have woven her hair into using copious bobby pins. It’s very Lush store meets Pier One Imports. I’m inspired.
Ok, well, I think I’ve held you all captive here long enough trying to eke out just one more stupid point before gmail cuts off my email, like Vin lecturing a wall of photogs. I hope you enjoyed today’s edition, and I’ll see paid subs back here next Friday for even more scintillating tales of style gone wrong. Love you! Bye!!!
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