Hellooo, Messketeers!

Happy Saturday! Apologies for the delay. I missed you all. We had a great chat behind the paywall last week featuring even more hyperreal bodies, dresses made out of mist, Kim K in her Spring Breakers era, and fully inflatable clothing. I also posted a brand spanking new YouTube roundup for those who prefer to listen to my multitude of silly musings:

My friend Ferron came to visit over the weekend and I had a great time showing her the many terribly cliché Brooklyn sights and shops in my neighborhood. We also ate dinner at this place Nowon that’s been written up everywhere and is, in fact, very good. Everyone is talking about the burger, which is great, but we were also very pleasantly surprised by the “chopped cheese” rice cakes and the huge amount of food the tasting menu provides. I definitely recommend. We also went to see The Drama and, despite already knowing the big twist, I actually liked it a lot more than I thought I would. I thought the way the nuance of the characters’ morality was slowly unfurled was done really nicely, and you can’t help but feel sympathetic towards Zendaya which I feel like is an incredibly difficult feat to pull off in and of itself.

Since starting the new job, I’ve been trying to watch more movies and open my book more as a means of slowly starting to restore my broken attention span. My brain has felt pulled in a million different directions at once, but in a way that is ultimately probably for the best. It feels like I’m cleaning out the gutters of my creativity. I’m brushing the cobwebs off all these disparate parts of my psyche and booting them back up again after years of dormancy from devoting all of my waking thoughts to Mess. It’s a little frenetic, but I assume a very normal part of reentering the workforce while maintaining a full-fledged second career. Now I just have to figure out how to reincorporate my fitness and therapy routines from my unemployed lifestyle back into my newly employed one…

Oh, and thanks to the Balenciaga team for inviting me to another cocktail party at their store. What a treat to waltz around touching extremely high-priced items with my associate editor, also Emily, and her friend Madeline. But my favorite part was this cocktail they were doling out at the event that was a shade of neon I’ve never seen outside of a glow stick. It made me annoyed at myself I don’t have a chartreuse city bag to match.

Ok, it’s just about Mess o’clock, my babes!!!!

We must begin today with seemingly the only thing transpiring in the big, wide world of celebrity fashion all week — The Devil Wears Prada 2 press tour. I endeavor to remain open-minded, yet find myself extremely skeptical that this sequel could possibly live up to any of its heavily-manufactured mass nostalgia. And pretty much all of the outfits on these red carpets have likewise amplified my serious doubts that this project possesses the taste level I believe is requisite to pull this thing off with any aplomb.

But one cast member has been blowing everyone else out of the water this week, and that is obviously Meryl Streep whose elegance knows no bounds. Look at the way this woman rocks the hell out of an oversized coat. The Prada look on the left is, to me, the pinnacle of effortless fashion editor street style. This is the type of outfit The Sartorialist has wet dreams about capturing on film. And the coat on the right has introduced me to my platonic ideal of a black tie outfit. Meryl has somehow found a way to get away with wearing a sequined Snuggie to her own movie premiere, and now I have an all-new level of divadom to aspire to.

Stop Trying to Make Tux Gowns Happen

As I said. Art is not imitating life. The student has not become the master. Anne Hathaway wore this custom Versace gown to the London premiere of the film and, as I was giving it a good once over, I realized that Donatella’s chaotic touch can be seen all over this thing. And I looked it up, and I think I might be right because Pieter Mulier doesn’t officially start as the brand’s new creative director until July! Also, I just don’t believe that the man who brought us the supreme space age minimalism of Alaïa would do something as gauche as this exposed boning or shirt placket plastered across Anne’s bust. I also feel like I’ve shown you a million variations on the “reimagined” tuxedo gown in this email over the years, and I think maybe it’s time to admit that the whole concept is just not working! And that’s ok!!!

It’s Chicken Time.

Meanwhile, Emily Blunt was on that red carpet battling her own fashion demons. She has got to be Schiaparelli’s bravest soldier. I swear the brand gives her all their most difficult and deeply odd dresses for her biggest red carpet moments. I’m thinking specifically of that 2024 Oscars gown with the floating shoulder straps and trompe l’oeil undies that everyone was fighting over on social media. And I know I’ve been saying this relentlessly all month long, but I can’t help it, there really is a plethora of poultry-based attire out there! This neckline in particular reads extremely silkie chicken down to the round tuft of feathers they have atop their heads. And, unfortunately, this slashed and hacked at tulle ball gown skirt just reminds me of how much more I prefer Viktor & Rolf’s Spring 2010 versions with their razor sharp, laser-cut edges.

The Devil Wears Denim on Denim

Equally brave was Ciara’s choice to wear this hideous denim duster over a Canadian summer tuxedo and what appears to be a mullet-hemmed button-up top to a film all about HIGH. FASHION. The spread and shape of this jean collar alone I find to be maddening. How dare you come to me, on this the most momentous of holy days for magazine bitches, and try to serve in a jort and Paris Hilton’s old choker.

A Rihanna Respite

Now, as a palette cleanser, here is a picture of Rihanna in a Parisian grocery store. And leave it to Rihanna in a Parisian grocery store to introduce me to a vintage Thierry Mugler mink earring I’ve somehow never seen before in my entire life. After the way that man’s archive has been used and abused by the KarJenners, you think you’ve seen it all. And then, naturally, Ri steps out to demonstrate that there are still hidden luxury gems in even the most celeb-saturated archive for those with the swag to see. Of course, she’s also literally the only person on planet earth who could ever pull of these Princess Leia cinnamon rolls made of pearl-bedecked caterpillars. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see lesser fashion deities give it the ol’ college try!

Lily-Rose Depp-core

And Jennie’s Rubies…….please do not come for me. I’m still reeling from my last scuffle with the Camilizers, and I can’t take another tongue lashing from a stan-dom at this time. But come on, even you guys have to admit that something very funky is afoot with this Schiaparelli Fall 2026 dress. It’s like if we let Apple take a stab at designing corsetry. In fact, there’s so many odd choices going on here that I actually can’t stop thinking about this garment and so, ultimately, maybe it’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to do???

Initially, I was arrested by this neckline as it feels completely novel, like the boob panels got flipped during production and sewn back on perpendicularly. Making things even stranger yet, the molded cups have been heavily distressed as though they’ve spent years under the duress of a pressure washer. And there’s something about this combo of a pointless belt over a tube top paired with a low-rise mesh midriff cutout that is extremely Lily-Rose Depp to me. Which, now that I think of it, is actually a hell of a testament to her weirdly specific style. It may not be good style, but it is entirely, unquestionably her own.

Stuck Up Shoulders

Well, I tried to warn you all about the bevy of funky shoulders headed our way this year. As always, I’m going to ignore all conversation of Julia Fox’s glam because you already acutely know my feelings on that front. Although, I do appreciate the hair volume happening here. But what I will say is that this sleeve is extraordinarily phallic from the front. I do not like the way it’s been constructed in the slightest, but I love the idea. It looks like she’s pulling a Sarah Paulson in AHS season four and hiding her conjoined twin under their. But also it kind of looks like there’s something inflatable underneath the fabric keeping the whole sleeve aloft. Or maybe that’s just hopeful thinking because I’ve had balloon clothing on the brain ever since seeing Camilla Araujo last week.

Where Is My Ruff?!

And finally, you may recognize Charlize Theron’s neckpiece as the very runway invite ruff Dior has refused to bequeath unto me time and time again despite my many requests for one as an acknowledgment of my supernatural trend forecasting abilities. Alas, I shall remain ruff-less……for now. But regardless, I am very taken with this all collar, no top concept! It’s an extremely K.Stew outfit proposition, although I feel she would’ve done it entirely sans blazer. And I do wonder when this look will tip over into the realm of luxury medical equipment — a long-held aesthetic passion of mine — as this thing could easily pass for an Issey Miyake-designed cervical collar. And I would think that Rosalía’s bejeweled neck brace on Euphoria would inspire more stars to see the untapped beauty potential in this offbeat gullet accoutrement.

That’s a wrap, folks! Thanks as always for deigning to muck around with me in the mire of these D-list duds. Next week’s newsletter is for paid subs only and the week after that is the g-d MET GALA already!!! So if that’s a red carpet near and dear to your heart, make sure to upgrade today to get all the dish. I have a feeling this year it’s going to be an exceptionally rich text. Ok, love you! Bye-bye!

• Next week, I’ll be delivering an onslaught of questionable attire behind the paywall, so make sure to ready the slop bucket for you and your pals:

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• Or ditch those losers and start living the high life in our chat room for elite Messketeers only:

As always, if you can’t afford to pay for more, just ask me about getting a complimentary subscription. I promise, it’s no big deal. I do it all the time. And if you send over a screenshot of your donation to any abortion fund, bail fund, Gaza relief fund, or honestly anything that helps stymie Trump’s agenda in any capacity, your next month of Mess is on me.

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Helloooo, my beautiful paid subs!

Week two at Interview magazine is officially complete and everything remains as fabulous as ever. I led my first official web meeting this week and I can’t believe the number of deeply wild ideas I pitched that were immediately understood and greenlit. It’s exciting to feel heard and like I’m making effective change. It feels like the website is about to come out the other side of one of those movie makeover montages, suddenly hot and popular because it took off its glasses. Also, Messketeers have already started pitching me and the pitches are GOOD! How cool is that! I shouldn’t be surprised, of course, anyone who reads the 3,000 word brain dumps I do here every week should have a profound and intimate understanding of the type of weirdo shit I like.

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Hello, Messketeers!

Apologies for the serious delay, but I am reporting live from the tail end of week one of my new job at the illustrious Interview magazine! My new gig even got a little shoutout in Feed Me this week which is fun and silly.

My primary takeaway from my time on the job thus far is that its fucking awesome. Not to be all capitalist shill about it, but work rules. I just think there is so much potential to do incredibly cool things. They’re so open to change and new ideas and smart solutions. And I’ve never been somewhere where my weird-ass ideas fit so perfectly hand in glove with their existing editorial point of view. It’s so fun. We’ve already got some very goofy and thought-provoking ideas in the works and I can’t wait to see them come to fruition on the site.

By far the hardest part of the job so far has been receiving the most absurdly cute photos of Fran I’ve ever seen in my life from her new dog walker every day and seeing that she is absolutely having the time of her life without me. It’s also been a week of onboarding which means a whole lot of spreadsheets and learning various operating systems while getting used to being in an office again as a certified yapper. Recceiving so much new input all at once makes me feel very scatterbrained, but I know I’ll get into the swing of things soon enough. Until then, I have ten million questions and ten million ideas to the point that I’ve started keeping a running list of all the things I want to tell my colleagues about in a note on my phone. I am doing my best to be chill about it.

Being in a physical office again, I was also confronted with two great truths about myself I had totally forgotten: 1. no one guzzles more water than me at a desk job and 2. one of my passions in life is click-clacking across a hardwood floor in a fabulous shoe. And the good news for everyone is that I have to traverse the entire office every time I need to go pee which, given my hydration situation, means I have ample opportunity to glissade across the parquet Fred Astaire-style.

Before we begin, a quick reminder that next week’s email is entirely for paid subscribers to this deeply alarming newsletter. So upgrade today or live to regret it!!!

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Ok, let’s dish.

I wanted to start with this pair of heels from Jeffrey Campbell that gave me a serious jump scare while scrolling my Instagram feed recently, and which they seem to have knocked off from a brand called Curtsy Toes. As a connoisseur of swill, I thought I’d seen and imagined every ugly piece of footwear under the sun until I stumbled upon these beauts. It’s not just the pedicure divider design of the shoe itself, but the fact that the material is flesh-toned creating a sort of Flinstone foot optical illusion when glimpsed mid-swipe.

I like the designer’s train of thought here though. It’s like a bizzaro Vibram, offering the illusion of orthopedics while actually chipping away at your foot health. They’re yoga toe pumps — curing bunions while giving you all-new forms of blisters to fear.

Bawk Bawk Bagawk!

Are you guys hearing me when I say chicken??? My flock overfloweth at this point. Things are getting crazy out there. Lisa Ann Walter’s jacket is so explicitly poultry-coded, I don’t know how she doesn’t see the Silkie in the mirror. To say nothing of Chrissy Teigen in this Balenciaga skirt made from a Big Bird hide. I feel like I need to get an ornithologist involved here just to explain to me what the hell is going on with this trend.

Trends Accidentally Foretold

In further news of my inadvertent fashion forecasting, like I told you at the beginning of the year, something is going on with proportion right now, as seen here on Selena Gomez in Prada. I have yet to articulate the phenomenon to my satisfaction, but as always there is something about volume, scale, and the total erasure of the human silhouette. All of which adds up to a final result that would traditionally be considered unflattering. Strange is the new sexy perhaps?? I’ll keep you posted as this look continues to develop.

And likewise, the detached collars I previously pointed out on Maura Higgins and Alex Consani in comedic fashion have returned to us on Rosamund Pike in a serious way. Keep a look out for more of this floating neckwear phenomenon! It’s like the Dior ruff’s corporate cousin; a Chippendales dancer with none of the motion of the ocean.

Clowncore for Adult Babies

Wowowow. Now, have you ever seen a garment where so many of my stupid, little pet theories collide? Atsuko Okatsuka, are you out there reading?? Because this romper checks many Mess boxes. It’s clowncore, of course, yet also fully adult baby between the print and these extremely diaper-esque shorts. And as if that wasn’t enough of an overt appeal to my particular sensibilities, there’s also these Stretch Armstrong double-long sleeves to consider. Again, I think we’re in for wayyy more fashions this year that render the wearer’s hands unusable. Conspicuous impracticality as a means of signaling leisure class status.

A Comeuppance

Way back when Sydney did the oopsie-daisies eugenics ad, I told you guys not to sweat it as she would surely receive her karma in the form of her many terrible red carpet fashions. And, well. Would you look at that! Justice has been served yet again. It’s the punishment that keeps on giving. Not only because of this very strangely altered 2007 Pierre Cardin dress, but because of what it symbolizes — the fact that luxury brands want to be excluded from this narrative. Which, of course, only makes me more excited to see what Syd’s fashion future holds for us and this newsletter!

A Black Tie Easter Brunch

Speaking of punishment. Kim is once again attempting to rage bait us in a way a decade of her abusing this very strategy has rendered completely ineffective, treating us to the absolute foolishness that is wearing a Fall 2002 Roberto Cavalli gown to Easter brunch in her own home and to play with her kids. We recently saw her go swimming in a museum-caliber Alexander McQueen original, so who is surprised. But what I don’t understand is why she insists on wearing clothes that do not fit her. Everything I see her in is dramatically too tight. This dress should not be rippling like that across her abdomen, it’s a telltale sign she tailored it too small. Kim must release the conviction that clothing has to show every inch of her body in graphic detail if she ever hopes to make one giant leap forward into the modern fashion era. And don’t even get me started on this choice in fur.

The Joutfit Returns

Just when you thought you were out, the joutfit pulls you back in. I thought the days of seeing swaths of denim repurposed into any old attire were well and truly behind us, gone with the days of relentless Julia Fox media coverage. And yet here is Love Island runner-up Olandria Carthen in Area suggesting we give distressed evening wear another spin around the block. I dream of the day we will finally be free of this dungaree pastiche, although I do enjoy that she kept things thematic here by turning the belt from these reimagined pants into a gorgeous choker. A vague callback to the corporate cousin of it all.

The Devil Wears Bloomers

As we wrap up here, I wanted to give a quick shoutout to Kelly Osbourne for embracing post-divorce anonymity in this behorned balaclava. The perfect accessory for those seeking attention with plausible deniability. I was also struck by her choice of bloomer, a Victorian (and Iris Law) staple we saw start to take off at the end of 2024. Between this and Atsuko’s saggy drawers above, these historical underpinnings seem poised to have a moment all over again.

And if you want to know what it was like to wear clothing circa 2010 as an indie sleaze darling, it was very much this top and jacket combo. The hold voluminous empire waist everything with a cropped moto jacket had over us was truly sinister.

Baker Brooklyn Unlocked

And finally, I couldn’t leave you today without a crucial update from the most delightfully dull man to ever grace these pages — Brooklyn Beckham. For his latest act of culinary provocation and prestidigitation, he is now pretending to be a baker and I obviously love that for him. You will never be able to convince me that he actually made this bread himself. That is a store-bought loaf slapped down on a spanking new pizza peel that has never so much as glimpsed the inside of an oven. The maestro of nutritional ineptitude strikes again! How does he do it!!!

Ok, well, I’m as forlorn as Lily Allen receiving a phone call that I have to tell you this, but that’s been today’s edition of Mess. I’ll see you back here next week with an EXCLUSIVE download of even more scintillating style. Later gators!

• Next week, I promise a smorgasbord of hideous attire for your consumption behind the paywall. So consider helping out a pal in need with a sweet, little giftie:

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As always, if you can’t afford to pay for more, just ask me about getting a complimentary subscription. I promise, it’s no big deal. I do it all the time. And if you send over a screenshot of your donation to any abortion fund, bail fund, Gaza relief fund, or honestly anything that helps stymie Trump’s agenda in any capacity, your next month of Mess is on me.

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Hi, Messketeers!

So. As promised, I have big news to share with you. On Monday, I’m going to start my new job as digital editor of Interview magazine. That’s right. They’re trusting me to run the whole website! What the hell! This is how the Mess agenda wins!!!!

What does this change for you, my most trusted and loyal advisers through thick and thin?? Literally nothing. Mess will continue exactly as it has always been, completely uninterrupted and uninfluenced by anyone’s opinions but my own unhinged ones. One of my major concerns even talking about theoretically taking this job was that it would impact these weekly diatribes with you all and I have been reassured from the tippity top of this beloved media institution that Mess is not a problem and we can continue to yap on as we see fit.

That said, this is going to be a big adjustment for me given that I have not worked in an office in legit six years. So, for now, I’m simply going to scale back on the unbelievable volume of newsletters I send out every week until I get into this new groove and have a better idea of what my schedule will look like. I will send out just the classic Friday email every week alternating between free and paid letters with potentially some bonus paywalled content and red carpet roundups should inspiration suddenly strike. And given the Met Gala is right around the corner, I have a strong feeling it shall. YouTube will continue on exactly as it’s always been with two videos a month, as will the podcast and the book club. In fact, there’s a new pod episode coming out on Monday and we just announced our next book pick this morning — Our Aesthetic Categories by Sianne Ngai.

I’m very excited about this new venture with Interview and I think we’re going to do extremely cool things together. They are perhaps the only magazine that so thoroughly shares my taste and perspective on pop culture and are also cool enough to actually take risks on what it means to be a magazine online in 2026. It also doesn’t hurt that I get to learn from and work directly with the GOAT Mel Ottenberg who has genuinely been one of my idols since I was a wee fashion closet intern. I can’t wait to start cooking up some crazy stuff for y’all over there and hope you’ll bear with me as we figure out this new chapter of Mess together <3

Now, here’s all the slop you actually came here for.

Ok. I’m going to begin today with an extremely last minute addition to this email, but I just stumbled across it on my Instagram feed while composing this missive and it is truly everything this newsletter stands for incapsulated in a singular garment so I must alert you to its existence. Poster Girl has created a Guinness World Record-certified “world’s most expensive C-string.” I’m not sure they had any competition in that department, but regardless, exquisite! Also, I did not know these things were called C-strings and I feel like that is crucial intel that is going to guide us through the next few years of extreme red carpet nudity. Not only is this exactly the type of codpiece I’ve been clamoring for since last year’s Pornhub Awards decreed them to be the next big trend in overexposure, but it’s also encrusted in 2000 diamonds with 34 rare pink diamonds spelling out the brand’s logo as well as a “sakura diamond” tail. I’m positively delighted and enchanted by this development. Now, how do we get this on a celebrity stat? And how do we convince all the prosthetic butthole people to start bedazzling those bad boys??

Jugular Jabots Abound

With the thrill of multi-million-dollar C-strings now behind us, I also just wanted to give you a little update on the state of the ruff by pointing out these two Zendaya fits. She’s been having an extremely flounce-heavy week, first in this Bluemarine Fall 2026 dress and then again more abstractly in custom Louis Vuitton. And both looks just got me thinking a bit more about this nape garnish and where it comes from.

According to my googles, the ruff was a popular fashion element from the mid-16th century to the mid-17th century (i.e. much of the Elizabethan era) and was initially intended as a way to keep people’s outfits clean so they could just launder the neckpiece instead of the whole look. But their impracticality ultimately led them to become a symbol of wealth and status, and one day I will learn that every historical trend I discuss in these pages inevitably leads back to loud class signifiers.

Over their century of popularity, ruffs evolved in both diameter and ornate material as the use of starch and irons allowed them to stay stiffer in increasingly elaborate shapes. And the more elaborate the ruff, the more folds, the more fabric it used and thus the more expensive it became. It also proved that the wearer had many servants as they were hard to put on and required a lot of labor to keep the ruff clean and fold it back into shape after every wear. And, just as with the return of the New Look’s pannier hips I wrote about last year, the ruff also seriously encumbers the wearer, forcing them to maintain a certain posture and keeping them from bending down or even seeing beneath them, let alone doing any physically demanding labor. In other words, another trend that perfectly reflects our current moment of extreme wealth disparity, as well as the true definition of quiet luxury.

Fowl Play

Zendaya’s many public appearances this week also reconfirmed for me that something decidedly fowl is afoot. The hens are loose in the barnyard. Poultry is paramount. It surely won’t be too much longer now until we can buy a carton of luxury house-branded eggs.

Mess Muse Rising

A Messketeer DM’d me on Instagram to alert me to some intriguing fashions transpiring at the Juno Awards that might be up my alley, and indeed they were. The most notable look of that red carpet came to us courtesy of the rapper SadBoi who, after a quick scroll through her social media, I quickly realized is a Mess Muse on the rise. A fact that was confirmed for me upon spotting my eternal founts of inspirations, the Clermont Twins, in her Instagram comments. A surefire sign I’m on the right track.

Anyway, the gown she wore to the Junos was pretty standard sex shop attire imo, but I must applaud anyone attempting to do a sensuous take on Borat’s mankini. And I think what ultimately makes this fit compelling for me anew is the juxtaposition between this overexposed garment and the more sinister styling with the wet hair, glittery double black eye, and Chrome Hearts-inspired grill without a stitch of bling. It’s goth with a video vixen twist. I also enjoyed the dress she changed into for the award show, although I do wish the phantom hands clutching her chest were much more convincingly robust. Even so, it’s very reminiscent of designs we’ve seen from Schiaparelli and Robert Wun lately and, most notably to my elder millennial mind, that collection Yoko Ono made with Opening Ceremony that I honestly can’t believe we haven’t seen anyone famous revive from the archives as it was actually 60 years ahead of its time.

I Wanna Be Your Dog

Canadian Drag Race season one winner Priyanka and rapper bbno$ brought the public into another dom-sub dynamic against our will on this red carpet, once again mainstreaming kink to a degree I never would’ve previously imagined. And while it’s a solid showing of power dynamics, personally, I still prefer Julio Torres and Martine Gutierrez’s human ashtray take. But hey, anything that puts dog collars and ball gags center stage on a step and repeat is A-OK in my book.

Enter the Hyperreal

I was also charmed to stumble upon these prosthetic horns worn by Belgian musician Apashe. A simple yet effective means of communicating one’s bad boy status. I don’t love that they’re so perfectly matched to look like his real flesh, but I suppose that is the hyperreal fashion era we are currently living through. But who will commit to getting these tusks installed as a permanent body mod? I feel like Uzi Vert got skittish after his many failed third-eye diamond attempts, but I could see this being something that would very much appeal to his sensibilities.

I was also quite taken with the singer Begonia’s accidental ET fingers. Upon further investigation, I discovered that she actually made these gloves herself with leftover press-ons and “1 ton of gorilla glue.” It also looks like she is wearing these gloves with fake nails atop the real acrylic nails on her actual hands thus creating this incredible extendo-digit effect. As always, it instantly reminded me of those extreme body mod twin pranksters from the early aughts I won’t stop mentioning, but one of their hoaxes was literally that he had grafted his ring finger from one hand onto his ring finger on the other to make a double-long finger! A look that practically screams beam me up, Scotty.

Shoot the Moon

But I think my absolute favorite look from the Canadian Grammys has to go to Hayley Gene Penner who brought along her baby as the ultimate accessory. There is something so iconic to me about these being the only two images that exist of this woman at this event. It is communicating loud and clear that this is a work function that she has deigned to bless with her and her child’s presence. Her attendance is perfunctory. The baby’s noice canceling headphones likewise confirm this is merely a short pit stop in their night of familial revelry. Divas all around.

This is also exactly what I mean when I’ve talked to you in the past about radically underdressing on a fancy red carpet as a means of making everyone else look extremely stuffy and try-hard. This is sartorially shooting the moon done right. She has so wildly quotidian-mogged at this event, everyone else should honestly be embarrassed they even showed up.

Nano Dress

And Zara Larsson proved this week that the power the adult entertainment industry wields over Hollywood attire remains unparalleled because once again porn stars have foretold our fashion future. The pop star donned this tube dress that transforms her into an animate iPod Nano to promote her album which I think is a fabulous idea. Largely because I thought it was a fabulous idea when an actress at the XMA Awards did this last year, fashioning a bandeau top completely out of defunct rainbow-hued iPod Nanos. I would still like to see more garments composed of real discarded technology of the past, however, this is a solid runner-up. But I do think Zara could’ve taken this to the next level by making the whole look more tactile and interactive. At the very least, I feel like this garment needs a functional click wheel that she could spin to start playing her new single….

She Sells Seashells

And the last thought I’ll leave you with is that I spotted the inklings of a new trend out there this week — dresses covered in iridescent discs which through extensive googling I have now learned are windowpane oyster shells! Rei Ami attended the Hannah Montana anniversary event in this pearlescent Datt set and Jordyn Woods wore a mini dress that appears to be by the same brand to her bachelorette party. Both are very mermaid DIY project just in time for summer and also very budget-friendly McQueen, which sounds shady but I mean with all beneficence in my heart. Mostly, I’m just pumped about this look taking off because I imagine that all those shells clacking and jangling about as these ladies move is quite loud and I’ve been gunning for outfits that incorporate the dimension of sound for a hot minute now.

Ok, well, I gotta go sit back and say……. Wow…… so that’s been Mess for today. I’ll see you back here next Friday for another gluttonous download of highfalutin nonsense and a full report on my first week at work (!!!). Talk soon, Messketeers, and have a fabulous weekend!

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As always, if you can’t afford to pay for more, just ask me about getting a complimentary subscription. I promise, it’s no big deal. I do it all the time. And if you send over a screenshot of your donation to any abortion fund, bail fund, Gaza relief fund, or honestly anything that helps stymie Trump’s agenda in any capacity, your next month of Mess is on me.

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Hello, Messketeers!

Happy Friday! Well, as happy as it can be given the general catastrophic state of the world. At least it’s starting to officially feel like spring again outside so I can stand on the street corner staring into the sun pretending I’m on a tropical beach with a daiquiri in hand somewhere where eve…

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Greetings! Welcome to the aftermath of the Academy Awards, Messketeers!

And a blessed 6th Mess-iversary to us all!!!! That’s right, I’ve been producing this newsletter for SIX STRAIGHT YEARS of my life! I don’t know which is more insane, me for writing this newsletter for that long or you for gobbling it up week after week. It should go without saying at this point, but I am incredibly grateful to all 19K+ of you for taking the time out of your busy lives to engage with my various fashion frivolities and for helping make Mess my full-time job over the last two years. I couldn’t ask for a cooler group of readers with more impeccable taste.

When not partying like it’s 2020 in commemoration of this newsletter milestone (i..e. sitting on my couch and never going outside), it’s actually been a pretty busy week! I returned home from Massachusetts where I livestreamed the Oscars to you all out of my friend’s spare bedroom. Substack’s livestreaming platform still leaves MUCH to be desired despite my relentless feedback, but my pal Ferron was integral in relaying your many chat messages that I couldn’t actually see. And fear not because a Messketeer has stepped forward out of great frustration to help me finally learn OBS so I never have to rely on Substack’s audio-visual services again, and hopefully by the time the Met Gala rolls around all will be resolved so that we may enjoy a seamless technological and viewing experience of that tragic red carpet.

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Because my ancient apartment continues to crumble around me, we finally got the refrigerator replaced only for my toilet to explode in the midst of me writing this email. The joys of renting truly never cease! But on the bright side, I did get my little young Ozzy bangs trimmed this week which makes me feel like at least one thing is right in the world again. Also, whenever I go to the hair salon, I always swing by that chain Maman for a little tasty treat afterwards because it’s right next door and I am a firm believer in rewarding myself for accomplishing even the most minor of adult tasks. And I just wanted to say, if you have the opportunity to partake of this pastry they made in collaboration with Martha Stewart that’s like a creme brulée sugar bun thing, do it immediately because it is DELECTABLE. Like for sure very decadent and you could def split it with someone, but I picked at it over an afternoon and delighted in every single bite. Really an exceptional indulgence if you can get your hands on it.

And the last thing I have to impart on you all before we get into the highs and lows of Oscars night is that I’ll be doing a Substack livestream on Monday at 5 pm EST for paid subs where we can recap all things Oscars or whatever other pressing issues the tabloids dredge up in the interim.

Hope to see you all there! But in the meantime, THE OSCARS:

To begin with, by far the most important thing that happened to me on the Oscars red carpet was learning about the PricewaterhouseCoopers accounting firm and the crucial role they play in Hollywood’s biggest night. Apparently everyone but me knows that they’re the historical keepers of the Academy Awards ballots since 1935, overseeing the whole voting process and delivering the envelopes unto the ceremony.

Personally, I feel these facilitators need to be featured MUCH more prominently and their briefcases could likewise be jazzed up substantially. Is no bag designer willing to take on the task of making something custom? Do all the jewelry brands find it beneath them to craft a diamond and platinum encrusted casing?? I just feel for such an important job, much more pomp and circumstance should be heaped upon this momentous feat of tallying. Just something to consider for next year! If Coldstone Creamery is allowed to entrap celebrities into doing accidental spon con on the Critics’ Choice step-and-repeat every year, why not give PricewaterhouseCoopers’ actuaries a chance to walk some famous people through their outstanding tax returns?!

On Oscars night, I was asked by friend of the letter to name my pick for best dressed at the ceremony and my first impulse was to bestow that honor upon the ladies of Sentimental Value, Renate Reinsve and Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas. As I explained to Eliza’s readers, what struck me about these particular gowns is how at first glance they look incredibly simple and timeless, but both have design elements that make them completely weird and unique. And I think for two actors attending their first Oscars, both made such excitingly bold choices.

Renate wore yet another custom Louis Vuitton gown that I was shocked knocked my socks off. One of the commentators we were watching on Oscars night called this dress “risqué” which I think speaks to the illusion this dress creates that you are seeing a lot more than you actually are because this is hardly risqué!! I mean, we have famous women showing up on red carpets fully nude at this point, I don’t think a little thigh is going to kill us. But I think the asymmetry of the skirt does amp up the feeling of exposure and also makes the gown feel off-kilter in a way that transforms this simple column silhouette into something totally original again. My only point of contention is actually the shoe as I feel the ankle strap prematurely cuts off her leg when I think what this dress demands is unfettered flesh from hip bone to tootsie.

And Inga wore this custom Loewe column gown with a big old ShamWow combover at the neckline, like a Muppet’s tongue emerging out of the bust. Again, this is a masterclass in black tie statement dressing. Completely elegant, yet with a little freak twist. The boob flap actually looks like it was made out of one of those Barefoot Dreams blankets which makes me hopeful that the whole gown is lined in that same fabric so Inga can flip that thing up into a pillow and take a luxurious nap whenever the mood strikes her.

But while I paid lip service to my Norwegian queens on Oscars night, upon further reflection, my actual title for best dressed of the evening might have to go to Sinners star Jack O’Connell for this low-key vampiric homage. In fact, this might be the first truly good use of a red carpet PR plug for a movie in the history of relentless red carpet film promotion we’ve been living through post-pandemic. A plug made all the better by the fact that there’s nothing actually left to promote as it’s Oscars night and Sinners was a shoo-in to be a big winner. Plus, I think how casual and understated this nod to his character is only makes it all the more impactful.

Up next, the best pair of pants I’ve ever seen, the biggest trends of Oscars night, Devon Lee Carlson’s butt cheek sliver, Lisa Rinna’s 11 pounds of hair and, of course, my many, many thoughts on the blue-eyed Kim Kardashian of it all.

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Hi hi, my friends!

Happy Friday the 13th to all those who celebrate. I’m currently on a train headed to western Mass to spend a long weekend luxuriating with my pal while soaking up all the nature and tiny antique stores the state has to offer. I am also currently listening …

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Greetings, my nearest and dearests.

I have let this edition of Mess Recs get away from me in a crazy way, but I’m back with a laundry list of deeply random stuff to share with you all. This despite the fact that I took almost no notes on anything I did or consumed in the month of February. Is February like that for anyone else? Every year, it somehow turns into a total black hole. Suddenly, all of my habits fall to the wayside, all of my routines are for naught, I regress to full hibernation mode, flip off my brain, and stop doing everything both personal and professional, apparently. Anyway, I’ve now been awoken from that slumber by the tepid weather and have re-emerged to cobble together some assemblage of stuff from the wreckages of my past two months that I hope you’ll enjoy.

Let’s take a look!

Buy:

First, some previous Mess Recs I repurchased:

Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Advanced Repair Barrier Cream - This is my most heavily used wintertime product. I think this is my third tube of the stuff at this point.

Another potato basket kit which I promptly made and now use to hold all of Fran’s puppy junk. I still highly recommend basket weaving as a low-key hobby to pick up. We should legit have a Messketeers Zoom craft night and make one together sometime! How do I get Big Basket to sponsor this??

Osea Salts of the Earth Body Scrub - Insane. I truly wish this pricey scrub wasn’t as amazing as it is, and lord knows I’ve tried to find a dupe, but no dupe will do. My skin has never felt softer or more nourished than after a quick scrub down with this stuff. My only hack is to ask for it for Christmases and birthdays so you can offload the expense onto your friends and family and stay sloughing off your dermis in style all year round.

Two more issues of Vogue Paris Collections from eBay - If you thought my obsession with acquiring the full set of these magazines was over, you thought wrong!!!! I am simply biding my time, watching those prices tick ever downwards, and then striking when the bargain is hot. This print sleuth-dom has also made me realize that I should probably just schedule another appointment to visit High Valley Books and accept that $40 is the price I have to pay for some of these rarer issues.

Zum Laundry Soap in Frankincense and Myrrh - I love this laundry detergent so much I brought it up completely unprompted to the at a Substack party. What more do you need to know!

Transparent Labs Protein Powder in Dark Chocolate - My ride or die. My laziest meal and the source of all my gains. Looking at this product on their website, I’m actually realizing right now how many delicious sounding flavors they make that I have yet to try.

Silpat Baking Mat - I accidentally made a big slice down the middle of my treasured large Silpat mat which I had no qualms with until I read somewhere on reddit that if that happens you need to throw it away and replace it otherwise you are poisoning yourself somehow. I now feel like I probably got got by an undercover Silpat salesman, but here we are. I think everyone knows these things are great for cooking and baking, but if you don’t know, there you go.

Things I was sent that I actually love:

Jukebox Deodorant in Coconut Dreamin’ - I can’t tell you how long I fought this gifting. I was not going to accept it, I postponed my response for months despite repeated follow ups, and then finally they caught me in exactly the right moment. I had just run out of my trusted Megababe and I though to myself, fine. Let’s put these natural deo hucksters to the test and, by god, I genuinely cannot believe how well it works. And trust, I say that as a remarkably sweaty person. I don’t love the texture of the stick, but you will never smell a whiff of BO again with this stuff. In fact, my one word of warning would be to choose your scent extremely wisely (I went with Coconut Dreamin’ and can recommend) because you will be smelling it on your self and your clothing for days after the fact.

Balenciaga No Comment perfume - That’s right. I officially smell rich, bitch! I spoke my dream fragrance into reality. Balenciaga said say less to my cries for luxury scent and sent me a bottle. I think what makes No Comment so appealing to me is that it has the deep woody, amber notes that I typically look for in my perfumes, but has “green” top notes that make it feel more unusual and fitting for spring. Anyway, I’m terrible at describing smells. If you’re interested, I’d recommend just waltzing into a store and giving it a big old sniff.

Ciele blush in Behati - Just when I think my hunt for the perfect blush is over….THEY PULL ME BACK IN. I maintain that the Saie blush in Ciao is still the end all be all of a natural flush, but this Ciele shade is giving it a run for its money. This one is a “dusty rose” that’s a little more tawny than Ciao and makes me feel gently sun-dappled despite being the palest I’ve ever been.

Ok, everything else I bought / watched / read / clicked on over the last two months (and it was a lot!!!) coming at you after the jump.

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Howdy!

I don’t know what’s going on this week, whether it’s the rain, the last gasps of February SAD, something planetary, or just my own TikTok-addled brain ping-ponging around my skull, but I’m having a serious procrastination problem. I just can’t seem to make myself sit down and get the words out on the page despite all of my best-laid plans. But, as always, my extreme avoidance of deadlines remarkably leads to me accomplishing many of the absolute worst things on my to-do list. Why, yes, of course I would rather deep clean the bathroom and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush instead of turning in a single article, how did you know?

But much Mess awaits us! And so, I’ve finally dragged myself to my desk (sofa) and will do my best to relay to you the many disparate fashion thoughts that have traipsed through my imagination this week. But first, the fridge update you’ve all been patiently waiting for: it got replaced. It took a FULL calendar week for my landlord to actually agree to replace the previous machine that had been there since the 80s, but it has finally happened and I am once again partaking in perishable foodstuffs. The new fridge is also like 5% larger than the last one and it feels like we just got upgraded to the penthouse suite of Frigidaires.

My sister also came to visit this weekend at the height of freezer-gate 2k26 and as we both take our coffee with cream this meant that we quickly became regular fixtures at my local bodega. A fact that reconfirmed something I’ve always known to be true about myself, which is that I love a giant shitty cup of coffee. Gas stations, bodegas, hotel lobbies — these are the big gulps of mediocre brew I crave. Especially when it’s priced between free and $2, what more do you want of your java? Although, in my fridge-less desperation, I did discover the very dangerous fact that a cafe next to my apartment serves an absolute Dunkin’ bucket full of iced coffee for $10 a pop. So, I foresee myself becoming extremely in debt and extremely over-caffeinated all summer long off those bad boys.

Oh, also, my sister was here because she was taking a workshop on how to make Victorian hair art at Morbid Anatomy, a mourning art form I’ve discussed frequently in these pages. If that’s something you’d also be interested in learning how to do, she said she highly recommends it and came home with a creepy little bouquet of horse hair flowers. If you’ve ever wondered why I am the way I am…….there you go. Except my mom and sister are actually into way weirder stuff than I could ever dream of engaging with as I am a massive scaredy cat and they want to like figure out how to fake an autopsy scene using Elmer’s glue and mannequin parts. I wish that was hyperbole.

The only other thing I urgently need to share with you all is that I learned this week that it is an open secret in Hollywood that a famous actor has an AI girlfriend who he’s been toting along to various hot spots about town and reddit has now helped me identify who this man is. Believe it or not, it ISN’T Scott Disick. Although I do feel his time is coming. Regardless, THIS is the caliber of gossip the tabloids should be trafficking in and never are these days. This is the type of info that makes the little gears in my brain whir along smoothly, lubricated on sweet, sweet secrets.

Oook, let’s go.

I think we’ve all heard a little too much about Demna’s Gucci debut by now and my two cents are very much not needed on the subject. But I do just want to say that, whether you love it or hate it, Demna did exactly what he was hired to do. He designed a collection that’s going to sell like gangbusters to all the least interesting people on earth with more money than they know what to do with. He’s going to quadruple the brand’s annual revenue just as Kering intended. But I do miss Demna’s usual sly sense of humor about it all. The meta, knowing wink at how obvious and trite everything is that made so much of his work at Vetements and Balenciaga fun and funny. This had none of that, just the pure plagiaristic capitalism that always underlies his designs. But I was thrilled to see that he got my memo about clothing that makes it impossible for celebs to perform everyday tasks for themselves, as Demi Moore modeled at the brand’s afterparty in this stole that bound her arms to her sides to the point she could barely keep Pilaf aloft.

And while this Emily Ratajkowski ass selfie isn’t exactly art, I do think the concept of the sunburned-on Gucci-logo thong is. It’s infinitely more compelling than the real deal, or anything I saw on that runway for that matter. This hits closer to Demna’s usual tongue-in-cheek antics, doing a Tom Ford redux by underscoring the very absence of that man and his foundational brand iconography. It’s very Kim K’s Met Gala blackout curtain. Give me more of that!

Marty Supreme No More

It was also the Brit Awards this week, and I once again just have to quickly point out that Sombr has cracked the Timmy Chalamet formula and is, dare I say, doing it better. Sometimes it really is as simple as just putting on a skintight lace top and a shiny, little jacket. No need to overcomplicate things.

The Simple Life

Ok, and I know she only wore this as an homage to Rob Rausch, but this Lisa Rinna fit did make me realize we’re long overdue for some sort of high fashion take on the overall. This is not that reinvention, but the seed of inspiration has been planted. It’s time for a glam take on the dungaree onesie, especially considering the clip-on shoulder straps offer the perfect opportunity for a surprise breast reveal. I need to see a fully pearl-covered pair from Schiaparelli immediately. Gucci x Dickies when?

Tally-ho!

And the last thing I have to bring to your attention before we get into the meat and potatoes of today’s email is just that I find it very odd that I stumbled across not one, but two images of famous people atop rearing stallions in a singular week. Well, if you count Teen Mom’s Farrah Abraham as a famous person, I guess. Still! Most odd. I see the equine lobbyists are working in full force to capitalize on this year of the Fire Horse.

After the paywall, my every waking thought on the SAG Awards! Excuse me, ACTOR Awards!

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Hello, Messketeers!

How’s everything going? Has Mercury retrograde sabotaged your entire life yet? It certainly has mine.

This week, my absolutely ancient fridge decided to shit the bed and completely stopped blowing cold air. A fact that, as you can imagine, has wreaked endless havoc upon my abode. There is…

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Hiya, Messketeers!!

Hope you’ve had a splendid week since we last spoke. I’ve missed you all dearly.

This week, I experienced my bi-monthly re-remembering that the app Too Good To Go exists and that I should be using it more. A realization that explains how I accidentally found myself the proud o…

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Hello, my treasured Messketeers!

I come to you today with a bonafide treat. Screenshots. Proof. Receipts!!!!

When I first had this idea on Notes the other week to expose the behavior of my most high-profile followers, I thought there was no way I had enough of these to make a whole post and then after a short scroll through my phone I realized I actually have SO MANY MORE than I ever realized.

So, this is a compilation of all the funny celeb likes on my content I’ve seen to date, as well as the names of some very high profile folks who have deemed my trash content worthy of a follow. This whole post feels like a weird humble brag, but I think there’s names in here that will be genuinely shocking and titillating to you all, so I’m putting aside my self-deprecating urges for today.

And as long as celebs keep airing out their dirty laundry vicariously through my social media avatar, I suppose I shall keep doing the same by screenshotting them and putting it on blast behind the paywall. So please enjoy part one of what I’m sure will be many editions to come of celebs behaving shadily on @messworldwide!

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Greetings and salutations, Messketeers!

Welcome back to the best newsletter on Substack about the worst outfits you’ve ever seen in your life. I hope you all had a fabulous Super Bowl weekend and binged on a buffet of snacks Mike Tyson would deem “fat and nasty” while taking in the musical genius this is Bad Bunny. …

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Helloooo, Messketeers!

I’m glad that I hedged my declaration last week about when I would be releasing the celeb screenshots unto you because as soon as I sent that email I realized that I had missed out on recapping one of my favorite events of the season — the Adult Video News Awards. And I would be remiss if I didn’t show you some of the shocking and fabulous attire that red carpet contained. So you will be receiving some exclusive Instagram gossip next Monday at 9 am (it is already scheduled and ready to go!!), but first I MUST show you what the adult entertainers are getting up to fashion-wise and what trends we have to look forward to taking over celebrities’ wardrobes in the very near future.

As always, if you know who any of these performers are, please let me know and I will update accordingly. These photos always come to me completely unlabeled and reverse google image search is typically extremely unhelpful and extremely graphic in these circumstances, but I would love to give credit where credit is due!

Ok, without further delay, the best dressed stars at the AVN Awards!!!

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Ciao, ciao, ciao, bellas!

I’ve returned to the fashion fray once again. I’m back in the full swing of my life post sickness and post blizzard and it feels great. I’m hot pilates-ing, I’m cold plunging, I’m partaking in long, pointless walks with Fran so she can shove her snoot into the icy powder and scramble atop every snow mountain she can find:

Speaking of my familiar, I got a new tattoo this week in dedication to my sweet pet from Mary Black who is rad and I highly recommend if you’re looking for fine line work and traditional tattoos. I got a classic heart and banner with my dog’s full government name “Francis” emblazoned across it and something about this body art decision feels fated as the same day I got it I learned that Brooklyn Beckham had gotten is own traditional banner tattoo — an anchor that proclaimed “DAD” — covered up in a way that, in my opinion, actually draws way more attention to the fact that it says “DAD.” But in any case, further evidence that the Beckham-Peltzs and I are cosmically aligned.

Afterwards, I headed to a coffee shop to take a telephonic work meeting like the true freelancer gal about town that I am as I’m beginning to hash out the details of a couple of Mess Live events that are going to knock your little socks off! Stay tuned!!! I was then joined at said cafe by friend of the letter to talk shit and talk shop about the state of our lives and careers, and I am inspired anew by the many avenues through which I can bring you all even more of my unsettling fashion opinions.

We’ve got a new episode of Mess World out today that I think is going to tickle your fancy. If only to hear my furious tirade at Ryan Murphy over his lack of incel knowledge and attempts to make the public believe that Anthony Ramos with an eye patch is not insanely hot (still need his Chelsea boots btw if anyone has sourced those!):

FLESH WORLD by Jessica DeFino

Longevity Erotica

We’re back with a new episode of Mess World, a podcast collaboration between FLESH WORLD (by me, Jessica DeFino) and I <3 Mess (a fashion newsletter from Emily Kirkpatrick…

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3 months ago · Jessica DeFino

I was on the new episode of the Work podcast where I gave a quick rundown on my entire career and the state of celebrity:

WORK

WORK Conversations: It's All A Mess - Meet Emily Kirkpatrick

Search traffic is down, referral traffic is drying up, platforms are changing their rules, people are evaluating what to do…and what’s next…

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3 months ago · 2 likes · Erika Ayers Badan and Emily Kirkpatrick

And I did a legendary (if I do say so myself!) Grammys roundup for my favs over at . Even if you don’t care to read it for some unfathomable reason, please go over there and drop a like or a comment as you know we must maintain Mess supremacy on this platform by any means necessary:

i-D

The Red Carpet's Body Mods

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3 months ago · 62 likes · 5 comments · i-D and Emily Kirkpatrick

Given the onslaught of content I’ve already delivered unto you this week, today’s edition of the newsletter is for my trusted paid readers only. Behind the paywall you’ll receive all the Grammys fits that weren’t up to i-D snuff, including my REAL selection for best-dressed of the night, the latest celeb with jewelry made from their own bones, and a new Mess Muse that is about to give Julia Fox a serious run for her money.

And if that’s not enough to tempt you over to the paid side, either next week or the week after I’m going to officially release the MANY screenshots I have of celebs behaving poorly on the Mess Instagram account. There is also a Tyra Banks’s Smize magazine recap forthcoming and a Mess Flix recap of the seminal couture film, Who Are You, Polly Maggoo? So MUCH to look forward to, my faithful Messketeers!!! Hope to see you all there!

To begin, I wanted to quickly share this product that many of you have sent me on social media and in private messages — Hara’s “real bush g-string.” I think this is a fantastic way to introduce a touch of pubic hair into the conversation without going full merkin, proffering it as the next frontier of our erotic imagination. At the very least, I can’t believe we haven’t seen more people dabble in this type of peek-a-mons situation whether full-bushed or bare. Just imagine how powerful a single pubic cutout would be on an otherwise totally covered up gown!?

Now, let’s dig even deeper into the red carpet muck of the Grammys…

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Hiya,

Hope you’re all well! I’m coming to you a day late in solidarity with the general strike. I figured delaying this email by 24 hours is quite literally the absolute least I can do to say a big ol’ fuck you to ICE, so why not.

As I’m sure you know, New York is currently a winter wonderland and whenever temperatures dip in…

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Hi hi hi,

I’m back, Messketeers! The flu fog has dissipated and I am almost feeling back to normal again. At least, normal enough to yap at you about some fresh pop culture hell that transpired this week which is really all that matters.

I have been in true convalescent mode, doing absolutely noth…

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Hello!

I’m finally beginning to emerge out of the fog of illness. Nice to feel vaguely human again and join the rest of you here in the world.

I feel part of what has revived me is the incredible week in pop culture news we’re already having. Not only were we regaled by GlamBot Gate Part 1 and 2, but now Brooklyn Beckham has stepped into the fray to deliver unto us an eight-part Instagram Story I suspect we will be dining out on for months to come as this family drama unfurls into he-said/she-said tabloid pandemonium. The YEARS we’ve spent documenting that young man’s endlessly dull ventures and tedious gambits in this newsletter are FINALLY paying off and they’re paying off big time, my friends. But we can talk more about that and other bad outfits in the Friday email! Plus, I have an idea for a new paid segment that I teased on Notes the other day that I think you will all be very interested in…

For now, here’s some stuff I acquired last month that I wanted to tell you about last week but was too frail to do so. Enjoy!

Buy:

The Hill by Harriet Clark

After reading a glowing recommendation, I pre-ordered this book that’s coming out in May knowing that I will have completely forgotten about its existence by the time it arrives and it will be a delightful snail mail surprise. I strongly recommend this approach to book buying. We all deserve far more snail mail surprises. Plus, the last time I did this, I got Flesh, so the method has only steered me very right so far.

Smashbox Precision Contour Stick in Fair

I got sent a sample of this contour stick in December, and it’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. Sometimes when I’m filming I like to do a little contour for bonus on-screen snatchery, but I feel like most contour I’ve tried ends up just making me look muddy because it’s always too dark for someone with my extremely indoors complexion. But “fair” is the perfect shade for a cool undertoned ghost like me and the thin stick applicator also allows me to put the tiniest amount precisely where I want it.

Earth Rated hypoallergenic 3-in-1 pet grooming wipes + Musher’s Secret Paw Protection Wax

With the snow storms rolling in, I stocked up on some winter time essentials for my ward, Francisco. I really like these wipes for after she’s stomped around in the slush and mud for hours. And once you see the amount of dirt that comes off your dog’s feet, you won’t be able to go back to life without them. This was also my first time getting the Musher’s wax, and I thought it did a great job protecting her little tootsies from snowballs and the aggressive sidewalk salters of the neighborhood.

Beats Flex headphones

I have been loyal to these headphones for probably a decade now. I think they’re the ultimate. I’m currently on my third pair and then bought another pair this month because I thought I lost them only to find the original ones wedged in a couch crack a few weeks later. But I’m not even mad at having two sets now because I know they will both be heavily used for a long time to come.

Spiegelau white wine glasses

I unfortunately live in an apartment where wine glasses go to die. The lifespan of far too many has been cut tragically short after taking a topple in our metal sink, which is how I discovered this four-pack with a price that doesn’t hurt so bad when replacements must be acquired. Plus, they look great!

East Fork Everyday Bowls in Morel

I got two more of these bowls for Christmas because they are by far the most used pieces of dinnerware in my house. Part plate, part bowl, they’re truly perfect for whatever you’re eating.

Opinel knife set

My sister thrifted a set of these knives for me, so they’re not the exact ones linked here, but they’re the same idea and they’re awesome. I think I’m largely just blown away by them because all of my old knives desperately need to be sharpened and these are scary sharp. But in either case, I find they’re perfect for all sorts of everyday kitchen activities. (Also, if anyone has any knife sharpener recs, I’m all ears!)

Below, a perfect Dragon Diffusion bag dupe that I’ve already gotten a million compliments on, my new fav top, the best fancy chocolate I’ve had in years, a recipe for the cookies I brought to a holiday party that everyone loved, and the movies, music, and books I partook in last month. <3

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Hello and good evening, Messketeers!

My deepest condolences for the serious belatedness and brevity of this email, but omg I am SO SICK! This week, I was felled by the flu in a serious way and have spent the last few days tossing and turning in bed, unable to string together a coherent thought, let alone multiple sentences. It feels like a cruel twist of…

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